Change

The changing of a season always brings about a certain degree of thoughtfulness and reflection for me.  I am not always comfortable with change, because it often means that something must inevitably end in order for something to begin anew. 

But there are times, when change is a blessing.  And I'm also learning, that there ARE those rare occasions when something doesn't necessarily have to end, but instead, develops into something even more meaningful than we had anticipated or even dared hope.

The summer months brought many challenges.  But with the help of family and friends, I have faced those challenges head on and seen what the strength of love can do.  I have many to thank, and some of you are at the top of that list and hopefully, know who you are. 

The weather in NH has been absolutely perfect for days upon days.  A new school year has begun, and I adore my class and look forward to all that lies ahead in the next few months.  My daughters have begun their own school year with a great amount of enthusiasm, and that my oldest is now a freshman in high school simply blows my mind.  I am surrounded by people who love me and care for me and want the best for me.  What a feeling.....

But, there is something, that I've been struggling over whether or not to share for a while now.  I have been writing in this journal for over three years, and have shared many ups and downs and found strength and kindness and understanding in the hearts of many.  There are times, though, when I do settle into a quieter world.  I hate the thought of someone judging me, for what I write or choose to share ~ but then, this is my journal, and I've always been driven to write for and about myself, with the hope that others might also relate, and I have found this to be the case on more than one occasion.  Most of the time, I wear my heart on my sleeve, only to whip it away from public view without a second to spare for reasons I cannot quite explain. 

I love to write.  It's no secret.  It's therapeutic and helpful (to me) on many levels and for many different reasons, depending on the situation. 

And so here I go, beating around the bush again....

I am facing a bit of fear. 

A woman knows.  When something isn't right...  Whether bodily or mentally, that basic human instinct kicks right the heck in.  While I cannot say for sure, if it is something serious or not, I will confide in you all that my heart tells me it isn't.  But I am not hesitating in the least, to make sure that what needs to be done is DONE ~ and done right.  It's hard to wait.  It's hard not really "knowing". 

I want to write about this because like I said, it's my journal and this is something that I am going through right now and would like to have some place of reference to look back on later, just as I do with my older entries that revolve around the other events that have molded and continue to shape my life. 

I will have to elaborate further, in a future entry, because my time online is limited these days, and I have to scurry on out the door in a few minutes.  But what I want to say, more than anything else right now, is how happy I've become and how much more I appreciate things lately.  Let me also say, that as this point, NOTHING IS WRONG, and it's simply waiting for the confirmation day to come. 

I made my journal private, for a time, and some of you noticed and responded with concern, and for that I am truly grateful.  For those of you who quietly respected my decision and kept me in your thoughts, I am as equally indebted.  It's good to be back.  My heart is in these pages.  There is no need to hide from anyone ~ especially myself.  Thank you, friends.

And Love knows no boundaries.

Welcome, gentle autumn.