Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Light in the Present, Shadows of the Past...

  I am finally beginning to feel better.  Not completely yet.  Just enough to return to school only to gain the sympathy of others as I quietly tiptoe out of the room in fits of coughing to drink from the water fountain.  My hot tea didn't last very long.  I am still a bit hoarse, but I slept quite a bit deeper last night so that aided in getting myself up at 6:30 to shower and get us all ready for school. 

I signed the girls both up for basketball.  This is going to be another juggle.  Karate may have to be slowed down...of course not as far as my bank account is concerned, but that's how it goes.  A will probably have to take into account how much music she will be doing.  May have to cut down there as well.  This is where my SN comes in...back to the frenzied life!  I love to go to all the games though.  Just might not get to them all!!

      To R***,                                                                   

             Never expected to run into you today.  Kind of reminded me of that song....oh, what is it...?  The one where the two old lover's meet up in the grocery store after many, many years apart.  Both older, wiser, and a bit wondrous about what might have been.  The song is by Dan Folgel, I believe.  That's not important.  I used to think of you when that song came on, and there we were tonight, in the grocery store.  Noticing how each other's lines have gotten deeper.  Talking about new interests, how old the kids are now.  It made me think back at how incredibly in love I was, or thought I was, in you.  It was such a passing glimpse of time in our lives.  Only a few short months.  You lived in that crappy apartment on Main Street.  You were so much older.  Maybe that was part of the attraction.  Remember you promised to marry me when I turned 25?  Well, next week I will be 36 and life sure is different then what I had thought it would be at that time in my life!  Don't get me wrong!  I'm happy....mostly.  Heck, we can't be happy all the time.  My girls are my life.  "He keeps me warm and safe and dry....."  There are fleeting moments of love in our relationship.  Wait, I shouldn't be sharing this with YOU!  We have a partnership...we love each other in ways that are different than what we had.  We don't share those kind of things.  The intimate moments without the intimacy...you know.  The laughter, tears, long, hours long talks deep into the night...LIFE!  There is LIFE!  Busy life to be lived!  And yet, when we sit for hours without conversation...oh gosh, I'm really blowing this letter now, aren't I?  I'm not ~  

Wait a minute....did I forget?  YOU lit a torch under my butt and FRIED my A**!!  HE has never fried my A**!!  Close, but I forgave him.  Why?  Because we have a family, and according to my previous quiz, family is the most important thing to me.  What I HAVE means more to me than what I DON'T have!  What a revelation!!!  Thank you for blessing me with your presence at the grocery store...it was a real eye opening experience!  I'll remember you, as I always do.  The one that broke my heart.  The one that made me a fool.  The one that lead me to where I am now.  

Thanks...   <3   Michelle               





onemoretina said...

Funny how we never know where or when or how we are gonna get some 'closure'.  Glad you found it !!  Tina http://journals.aol.com/onemoretina/Ridealongwithme

cdittric77 said...

Family is the unconditional love for others and others for you. I wish that for you, Michelle.
With peace and love,

ccancu said...

Wow, that's powerful!

Your "reflections" led me to re-examine some of my own.  Thanks for sharing.