Sunday, February 26, 2006

Sunday Ramblings

It's been a great week off, for the most part. Of course, there were the usual issues between the girls, but it seems that they have been tolerating each other more.  I've been threatening to get a second job, including working during the summer, if they don't let up.  They really need to understand how lucky they are that I have the kind of career that pays little but has priceless benefits.  They are so wrapped up in the fact that dad is never around that they take it out on me.  And each other.  Regrettably, I suppose I often take my inner "stuff" out on them as well, when my patience is worn thin and they are pushing button after button.  We're in this together... it's time to realize this and be happy that we have each other.

We went back to church today after a couple weeks of absence.  It happened to work out today that the basketball tournament ended with a game at 8:00am so we were able to make it.  Congrats go to my Amanda, who's team won the championship after a difficult season.  She was ecstatic!  It was wonderful to go to church without the cranky pants!  Our minister did a beautiful sermon about the light within.  I won't go on and on about it.  It was just so nice to see how he really included the children, leading them around the sanctuary holding an unlit candle, looking for the space with the most light... the kids loved it.  He had one of them stamp their light up sneaker.  Then of course he lit the candle and explained about the light within, the light of Jesus...the light they feel when they come to church, or when the sun shines just right on our newly fallen snow.                          

My nana is nearing the end of her battle with Alzheimer's disease.  Anyone who knows anything about this horrific disease, knows it ends terribly.  My mom is so distraught, of course.  It seems as though it may end tomorrow, and yet it could be like this for years.  In her own place, curled up like a baby doll, lifeless and empty.  She can not speak other than to say your name.  The doctors/nurses are amazed by this.  She does not speak until someone from the family is in the room.  She says hello, speaks the persons name, and then is gone again.  As if to say, I know you are here, so don't say anything you don't want me to hear!  She's a snipity old lady with a mighty sharp tongue!  Well, she was anyway.  Everyone knew that.  It's so incredible that she still knows us. I love her so much, and I'm already missing the nana I knew...

We are getting ready to go visit my parents for my dad's 61st birthday.  I have so much more I want to write about.  There never seems to be enough time.  I've been lazy about writing lately, choosing to keep much in my mind.  I hope you understand...I'm feeling quiet lately, and I'm not sure that it's a good quiet.  I have to stop and concentrate on that light.  It's there. I'm well aware that it is...I have to make a concious effort to see it, and feel it.  What PI$$es me off is that I don't know why.  It reminds me of that Pink Floyd song that I loved SO much as a teenager...Comfortably Numb.  Anyone familiar with that one?  Yeah, you know.  It makes me want to SCREAM!  I'm hopeful that this feeling will pass.  I thought it had yesterday, but this afternoon it seems to be creeping in again.  I hate being negative!  I want to live life to the FULLEST!  ERRR!!!  Perhaps it's my Thyroid condition.  I haven't been keeping up with the meds good this week.  Being out of school completely throws off my schedule.  You KNOW how I get when that happens!! 

Well, off we go...we have to pick up the ice cream cake.  Maybe THAT will sweeten me up a bit!  I'm HOPING!!



Thursday, February 23, 2006

all new to me



all new to me :   This is a newly begun journal, written by my epal Maria!  I told her how great the journal land community is and that she should start a blog.  Please show her some love and give her a visit!!  She is BRAND new at this and just starting to learn.  As many of us are still learning ourselves, I thought we could lend an ear.  Or an eye... and a smile  ;oD       


"Oh, the weather outside...."

"Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


(view from my front door this morning!)     

Have a great day!     ;oD                                

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Visiting a distant relative...


We've been enjoying our week off from school.  Other than the cold temps, (which really haven't been that cold...) it sure doesn't look like a New England winter this year.  At least not for very long.  It doesn't feel like our usual February break.  The ponds aren't frozen through enough, there is no snow for sledding, sculpting or snowman making... Jeez.  I'm usually SO sick of snow by now.  At this point, I'm still all excited when it starts to even remotely spit snow.

I have two uncles that live about 45 minutes from us.  We NEVER see them.  One came to our wedding, and other than that, I think we've only seen them at my grandmother's funeral.  This is my father's side of the family, and for some reason (and I think there really IS one...:/ ) they are not very close.  We are much closer with mom's side, who live 2 hours away.  Even the girls have seen more of husband's family in California!   There are some strange stories that I can not publicly get into, but nothing too major that should keep us all apart.  So, when my girls got wind of the fact that Uncle A has 6 horses....WELL!  It didn't take long for the bridge to be built!  It often takes children to open up the eyes of adults.  My father thanked Amanda profusely for calling him and getting his butt in gear to call his brother, who immediately agreed that we simply must come!  Four days later...

We had a very nice visit.  The girls loved the barn and the horses.  They saw Jake the dog in the window of their modest mobile home and shrieked with excitement.  They fed the horses carrots and we all had lunch together.  It was so nice to see my uncle again.  They live the simple life, one I would love...just a huge piece of land to explore.  So peaceful and calm.  They tap over a thousand maple trees and they built their barn all on their own.  They have so much money, but you would never know it.  It smells like manure and hay... I love it!!  Ok, not so much the manure, and my nose is itchy, but still....I could probably get used to it! 

I haven't really been writing much.  I've been writing more in my paper journal.  It's not that I don't feel comfortable writing online, there's just certain feelings that I have to keep private.  I have very low moments where I feel lost in my own world, and then I'm fine.  I truly need to figure out if I need to stop being "fine" and deal with matters of my heart.  I have a very hard time looking at those pieces of me.  I put them away in a locked up box so that I can be who I'm supposed to be.  Then, am I really just wasting my time being something, someone that I'm not?  Oh, I did not mean to get into this.  It runs deeper, but I just can't go there.  I've been "fine" for many, many years.  I can be "fine" for many more.... And honest to God, when I look at the pain that others are feeling, I am downright disgusted with my selfish thoughts.  The courage to know the difference.  That's what I pray for.  And the understanding of why I am the way I am. 

But for now, I'm having a good day.  The sun is shining.  It's spitting snow on and off.  The girls are laughing together, playing ball in the yard.  We are healthy.  We have so much to be thankful for.  I will focus on that.  ;o)




Saturday, February 18, 2006


Thanks, Charley for the idea.... I just don't want to get into the heavy stuff today.

1. How many pets do you have currently have?
     Two cats, 2 hamsters and 1 fish.  Let me tell you about my kitty's...
2. Pets name (s)?
  Fluffy and Tiger
3. Age & weight?
     Tiger is 6 and weighs about 10 lbs.   Fluffy's age is unknown and weight is about 13 lbs.
4. Female or Male?
Fluffy is all boy and Tiger is a girlie girl.
5. What breed?
   Fluffy is domestic long hair (no kidding...) and Tiger is Tortoise Shell calico
6. Favorite Place to sleep?
Tiger sleeps between my feet EVERY night, and Fluffy sleeps on the floor outside my bedroom or on livingroom floor.  He knows Tiger is very territorial, and often cries for us in the night....sad, I know. 

7. Pet's Favorite Food?
They love any kind of cat food that isn't a generic brand.  Especially the Whiskas pouches.  Tiger's very favorite food is cheese...she will attack anyone who is eating it.  Fluffy loves bologna.  It was the only way I could get him to come to me when he was a stray.  He was scared to death of being approached or touched by anyone.  Now, he is the most affectionate cat I've ever had.  ;o)

8. Pet's Favorite Fun activity?
   Fluffy:  Tearing up any catnip mouse I buy for him.  He has a collection of toys he hides in the same place and reaches in and pulls them out when he wants to play with them.

     Tiger:   Loves to cry to go out and then hang on the door to come back in... 

9. Is your pet well behaved?
NO!  They fight and scratch my furniture!!  Really though, they are good babies.
10. Cutest trick they do?
Fluffy:  My husband is teaching him to shake....lmao   Tiger:  Will dance on hind legs for cheese....

11. Who's their fav person in your house?
Fluffy:  Even though my husband was adament that he was NOT letting that stray cat in this house, he finally gave in and now Fluffy is totally in love with him.  When he comes home from work, Fluff won't leave him alone, and he loves it.  He stands on him and looks at him, nodding his head at him, as if telling him, "you are my HERO!!" 

       Tiger:  Me, me ME!!

12. Inside or outside? 
Tiger goes out for 5 minutes at a time.  Fluffy spent so much time outside when his owners left him that he is scared crapless of going out.  When he DOES try to go out, he often stays out for 2-3 days, so we are really careful to keep him in.

13. If small, do you dress them up?
14. Enjoy baths & grooming? 
    Both hate bathing.  When we first got Fluff, he was covered in dirt and soot.  I bathed him and he has never forgiven me.  I still have a scar on my back...

15. How many pets have passed over that you hold a spot in your heart?
Two kitties I adopted from our local Humane Society,  Sadie and Gizmo... Sadie died from a tumor and Gizmo was struck by a car.  :o(   Also my childhood dog Gypsy.

16. Who is the one pet that will always be that "special one"?
       Fluffy :o)

Tuesday, February 7, 2006


You Are Rain You can be warm and sexy. Or cold and unwelcoming.
Either way, you slowly bring out the beauty around you.

You are best known for: your touch

Your dominant state: changing

What Type of Weather Are You?


Yeah, that pretty much sums it up today....


Sunday, February 5, 2006

It's a quiet, lazy Sunday of my favorite kind of days.  I can afford to do close to nothing today, as I have taken a personal day tomorrow.  Yes, I just had Thursday off, but tomorrow was a scheduled day off.  Amanda is in the spelling bee for her grade tomorrow and I felt I really wanted to be there for her.  Last year she was out on the first word.  The principal told her to spell "stable".  She repeated the word back and she spelled stable.  Much to her dismay, the word was actually STAPLE.  Talk about pi$$'d off.... I'm hoping she will do well, and at least be out fairly, if at all... her sprain is not getting any better yet, and she is really down about missing basketball.  Not to mention the fact that her team hasn't lost a game since she's been out and she thinks it's because she's not playing and the fact that the lost all their other games was because she was playing before.  Dang.  She's more superstitious than I AM!!

There was some disturbing news in our neighborhood this week.  Right in our complex a 53 year old man was arrested and charged with being in possession of child pornography.  OMG.  Apparently he was downloading pictures and they caught him tracking from New York somewhere.  We know his name, but I have no idea who he is or what number address he is.  I plan to find out.  It's sickening to think he lives here and sees my children playing outside...f'ing scary, as a matter of fact.  People really think, even with all the media there is now, that this kind of thing doesn't happen around them, or to them.  Well, I know from experience, that it does.  You can be OVERLY helps, but it doesn't matter.  It's usually someone you know.  Someone you trust.  That is their plan.  The sickos are smart enough to know what to do to get children to trust them.  Let me tell you this ~ TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS.  If you have suspicions, no matter how small, be alert.  Be watching, listening and knowing about what is going on around you and around your children.  This is a hard subject, one that I have an understanding about that I wish I didn't .  It makes me want to delete this wholejournal and never put myself or my family out there in the world again.  But you know what?  That is giving power to the demons...and I refuse to do that.  I try to be careful and not give too much information.  According to news programs, there are 300,000 preditors online every day.  Reading teens journals and My spaces.  Gaining knowledge about our families.  SCARY.  Should we just pack up and move out of Jland?  I think if people are careful, good can be done.  There are more good people out there than bad.  I have faith.  It took awhile, but I have it back, and I'm not losing it for any sick creeps. 

WELL  I got that out of my system...

We are watching a marathon of Little House on the Prairie today.  I grew up watching this show and it's great that my daughters are enjoying it as well.  It has some really good moral stories.  We went to see Eight Below last night and that was very good.  One of the better Disney movies I've seen in a while....

Anyway, I hope you all are having a great weekend.  My grapics are being zapped out lately, so I must have done something I wasn't supposed to.  oops.  It wasn't intentional.  See you all around town!!          


Thursday, February 2, 2006

Home again....

Amanda and I are home again.  This time, though she isn't sick.  The Phys. Ed. teacher at her school makes them do gymnastics and they get more points for attempting a front hand spring.  Well, she attempted that's for sure.....


Nothing broken, thank goodness.  She sprained her ankle though, and has a gel cast and crutches until it's better.  No basketball for 2 weeks.  She is bummed, and I'm bummed for her, but also grateful that it wasn't worse.  So, she really wanted to stay home and take it easy today and I decided to do the same.  They may not like it, as I have in for Monday off to go to Amanda's spelling bee.  Things have been a bit nuts lately at work as we are in the search process for a new principal.  For me personally things have been going well.

Not much new has been going on lately, and I haven't felt inspired to write.  Still busy, and it takes a day like this for me to find a moment to sit and think about what to put in this journal.  I'm still not comfortable completely letting it all out there.  Maybe I will become inspired to write creatively again.  Maybe some fiction.  A short story, or a poem... I finished "My Sister's Keeper" and whoa.  This is the only author I have ever found that moves me to the point of tears.  She writes with such understanding of her subject and brings her characters completely to life.  You feel yourself in these books.  I'm reading "Plain Truth" (another Jodi) now.  Please visit her website   Not sure if this link will work, I'm still not very up to date on these things, but I can not say enough about these books... read the reviews on the site, and you will surely find one for you.  They are hard subjects, but very rivoting. 

We celebrate Chinese New Year in our family, so "Gung Hay Fat Choy" to all of you!  We are planning to visit all the in laws this year in LA.  Last time we went was chinese new year of 1999, so it's been a while.  The girls are a little nervous about going.  It's too bad, but I understand.  It's family they never get to see and we stay with one of my brother in laws and they're family while we are there.  They basically feel like they are strangers.  We must go, so that they will know they're family.  It's such a different experience.  Everyone is speaking chinese and of course the food is different.  It's not your regular chinese food from China Station restaurant.  I love it, but they will probably not enjoy it as much.  They need to have this cultural exposure.  They're dad does cook at home, when he IS home, but even that is different.  They have their grandma, 5 uncles, 1 aunt, and all they're spouses and children.  About 25 cousins.  I'm an only child, so they don't get to experience the "auntie/uncle" thing here.  Their nana and papa is about it.  They will be fine, especially since we are dangling a day at Disneyland in front of their noses!!  Ha Ha.  Perhaps we will make it to Vegas again as well!

Well, hope you all are having a good week.  Until next time....