Monday, May 30, 2005


Well, today is Memorial Day.  I fortunately do not have any family members in Iraq.  I do however know people who do, and I am thinking of them today.  I still am not quite sure why we went over there, but it seems now we must stay and finish what was started.  I support our soldiers, it's just so sad how many lives have been sacraficed. 

I am also thinking of those not in military who lost their lives, but not before touching mine.  There are many, one as recently as this past Wedsnesday.  I have faith in God and believe that He has a plan for everyone.  There are the questions that will never been answered until it is our time to go home.  It isn't meant for us on earth to understand why some have to go so young.  So untimely are the friends who pass as children or young adults.  Shouldn't we all be given that chance to live a long life?  Why not?  Again, questions that aren't meant to be answered now...It just will never seem right to me.  A little girl with so much life ahead.  A young mother who's children need her.  A man engaged to his baby's mother, finally making things right for himself...Oh, it's hard to keep the faith.  But deeply I feel that the reason is there somewhere in the clouds.  I feel it in the wind and the sun shining on my face. 

"I'm already there

Take a look around

I'm the sunshine in your hair

I'm the shadow on the ground

I'm the whisper in the wind

I'm your imaginary friend

And I know, I'm in your prayers

Oh, I'm already there...."

God bless.....

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Feeling Blue....

I have changed my look yet again...A bit easier on the eyes, I think.  I have always liked blue.  Sky designs are my favorite, despite the fact that our dentist's entire office is designed this way.  I think because no one really enjoys going and the design has a calming effect on some.  I like it because when I feel all stressed and tight inside, it makes me feel quiet and peaceful.  Like I could just float away for awhile. 

There has been quite a bit going on.  My oldest dear A has recieved special recognition for a poem she wrote.  There is something called Anthology of Poetry and her school participated.  All fifth graders could submit a poem and the teacher's picked the best three to be published in a hardcover book of poems by fifth graders all over the country.  My daughter's poem, The Nothing, was one of the three chosen!  The book will go to print on July 1st.  We are very proud of this honor she has recieved.  Her school will recieve a copy of the book, and we can purchase a copy with her name gold plated on it.  Very cool...

M is also having a great experience in t-ball.  Karate has kind of taken a back seat for now.  I'm sure her Sensei will have something to say, but oh well.  I hope he will understand she has to try other things, too. 

M is dealing with another kind of tough issue.  Two things, actually.  The whole biracial thing is coming up more frequently, as well as her father's lousy working hours.  He is a cook, working 11-10 and the girls rarely see him.  I can explain this until I am blue in the face, but she has a right to her feelings.  It makes me sad to see her so sad.  She misses him so much, as does A, but it's different for her.  She deals with it differently, anyway.  As far as being biracial, she has this upsetting feeling about not looking like me.  I tell her that I don't look like her grandparents.  They have brown hair and eyes and I have blond hair and green eyes.  It doesn't cut it though.  She is getting a lot of guff from other kids at school about it.  Also this one girl is relentless about saying she doesn't believe that M is half chinese and that shehas a chinese father.  She says she doesn't think she even HAS a father because she has never seen him.  Errr.  Of course this hurts my baby.  She has a wonderful Daddy, who yes, works lousy hours, but when he is home he is 100% Daddy.  Wants to always do fun things and go on adventures.  I try to remind her of this, but she just cries harder.  I guess it's just something she has to go through.  I just want to say the right things.  I have always told them how lucky they are and special.  Their friends need to be reminded that we are all special and very rarely will they find americans who are all one nationality.  Hopefully they will learn this as the get older, but as I am finding with my ll yr old, the "mean girls" seem to get worse as they age....I will keep hoping.  :>)


Thursday, May 12, 2005

Ten Minutes and Counting...

This is going to be a quick one.  I've been taking a bit of time tonight to read journals and decided I'd do a quick entry before I have to run out and pick A up from choir practice.  If they didn't have a choir festival on Sunday I would have had her stay home just to keep from having to go out AGAIN!  I knew this was going to be nuts trying to juggle both of them doing baseball/softball on my own.  Mon. and Tues. was ok because Mr. B actually had 2 days off.  I forgot what name I was using for my husband so I'll just call him that!  The girls are having fun though and it's nice to see them as part of a team of peers all cheering for each other!  We really did luck out that only a small amount of their schedule is on the same nights. 

Well, M has been talking to me so time has gone by and my ten minutes is up.  Maybe I will be back later to add on to this entry.  I feel creative tonight...We shall see....

Alright, the night is young and I am back!  The girls are off to bed, the TV is off, my mind is tuned in to my it goes:


Will you ever know my dreams?

Will you ever hear my screams?

Are you listening at all

When silence is surrounding you?

A game of Cat's Cradle

Linking to my heart

Are you playing?

I never really knew you at all.

Do you love?

Do you hate?

Do you feel?

Are you alone like me?

Is it fate that we

Are alone in this