Light vs Dark

I have empathized with fallen angels...

I am near spiritually full at this point in my life.  I have faith in God, in His love for me and in all that He promises me.  But there once was a time in my life, when I did not.

As a rebellious, heart-twisted teenager (LOOONG ago, I simply must add...), I dabbled in things I had no business dabbling in.  I wore clothes and pendants around my neck that loudly stated who I was and what I believed.  In fact, to most, I was downright frightening...

To this day, there are times, I must admit, that I am drawn to depths both dark and unknown.  I want to know.  I want to feel...  And I want someone to pull me back and save me from myself.

When I first saw the above graphic, I was mesmerized.  Which angel was I?  Could I be a little of both?  Is one more powerful? More enticing?  More fun?  More loved?

Sometimes, I wonder what good it does... Wondering.

"Pay attention to your dreams - God's angels often speak directly to our hearts when we are asleep." 

~Quoted in The Angels' Little Instruction Book by Eileen Elias Freeman

 

 

I Look Like WHO?!

 

The day I even REMOTELY resemble ANY of these women... :o/

Still fun, though...  Thanks, Chuck!

 

 

An Afterthought

I got busted big time for the deleted entry...  Not in a bad way, but I suppose with all I've been going through lately, and the dark places I have been and shared with you, it was only natural for some to be concerned.  While I appreciate that greatly, and give thanks from my heart for those that emailed me or sent peaceful thoughts my way, I regret worrying anyone needlessly. 

It wasn't so much that the entry needed to be deleted at all, really.  I have been compelled on occasion to delete, and it's something I have been working on.  But in this case it wasn't about me.  It was mainly about my daughter.

It started off with our fiasco yesterday at the ER (yet again.... we were just  there last week ~ now BOTH hands are under wraps!!).  She cut her hand with a steak knife and needed stitches.  I then went on and on about some things she's been dealing with both now and in the past.  I felt comfortable as I wrote, but then there came the afterthought...  The "maybe I shouldn't have said all that I did" afterthought.  I didn't disclose certain information, and yet I felt as though I had said more than I should have.  My daughter's privacy came into question, and that stopped my breath for a moment.  I'm extremely sensitive to their well being, as any mom would be.  Perhaps even more so due to past experiences.  Maybe I would have felt safer, had I written in my private journal, but alas, the words were out there, and I knew I would not sleep unless I put them to memory.  It was late, and it had been a long day, so I did not take time to explain.  I'm sorry if I had you all worried, my dear friends.  Thank you for caring and for letting me know.

Till next time...  ::WARM HUGS::

From The Orchard

We visited Poverty Lane Orchard to pick apples today.  Friends invited us, and we had a great time despite the fact that my oldest daughter had to stay home...  There comes a time, in every mother/daughter relationship, when your cycles cross at just the right time and all hell breaks loose.  Not fun.  BUT, we did manage to forgive each other as the day wore on, and smiles were renewed.

Poverty Lane Orchard is very picturesque...  In fact, there is a movie from the early 80's, I believe, called "Ghost Story" and part of that movie was filmed in the orchard.  If my memory serves me well, the scene was that of a dream.  Where lovers meet, embrace and dance.  I think the woman was a ghost... hence the movie title.

Anyway, wanted to share some photos of our trip... I'm even sharing a pic of myself to show the marked improvement in the Bell's Palsy.  I am mostly still affected by what I feel, not so much by how I look.  My eye still doesn't blink (still playing pirate in the night...;o) ) and my lips and cheek still FEEL funny, but not nearly as obvious as it was even two weeks ago.   

Hope you're all enjoying your weekend!

 

Almost There...

"......You can never know who you are, till you let go of who you were.

 

The best of who you are, is what you are always becoming."

 

 

Thank you to Marc, who so generously shared these powerful words with me and so kindly gave me permission to pass them along. 

 

Events from the last couple of days have led me to a much more peaceful place.  One of understanding.... An epiphany of sorts.  Words that were spoken, feelings that were shared.  My own, dismissed as they've alway been...  BUT, I'm no longer crying.  I'm no longer alone.  I am firm in my belief that I have done and continue to do the right thing as I move forward.  I have never been surer.

 

I am holding the finished papers in my hand.  Ready to walk on, without looking back.  I deserve to be valued ~ as a human being.  As a woman.  I am worth more than what I have been. 

 

For now ~ for a while ~ it will be me and my girls.  I am not ready to "find someone."  It is not my desire to move in that direction  ~ now or anytime in the near future. I am happy where I am, right here, right now.  I am enjoying finding myself again.  I am enjoying this journey, and the path that I walk is one that I share with many of you.  For that, I am truly thankful.

 

Wishing you all a wonderful weekend!

 

Michelle

 

 

"The Path Unknown"

I guess the saying's true...  "One man's trash is another man's treasure..."

Went the dumpster and this is what I found ~ just waiting for me to take it home:

How completely relevent to my life right now.  No idea where the path will lead, whether or not to even take it... or who's hand to hold along the way...   If anyone's.

It's an A. Sheldon Pennoyer oil painting.  I can't seem to find it online, so I'm calling it "The Path Unknown." 

Blessings,

Chelle

Tags: A. Sheldon Pennoyer

A "Fair" Amount of Photos

Each year, our entire third grade designs, creates and enters a project for the Junior Competition at the Tunbridge Fair in Vermont.  The theme this year was "Cows" and we constructed the world's very first (at least I think it is...) Cowousel! 

Sorry about the quality (or lack there of) of the photographs...  They placed our Cowousel directly in front of a window and it was a (thankfully) bright, sunny day.  This baby can spin (manually) and has a music box attached that had been painted to resemble a Holstein!  We won a blue (first prize) ribbon and found out the next day that we were also awarded "Best of Show," which was very unexpected!  The students were thrilled beyond belief!

Isn't he CUTE??  Well, in an E.T. sort of way...

There's been so much happening with me lately, and I am afraid I have neglected my journal reading/writing.  Please accept my apologies.  I have more to share, but I've been rather unproductive today due to the fact that the girls are both away for the weekend and while I miss them and will be so very happy to see them come evening, it feels GOOD to just "be," doing very little other than enjoying the peace and quiet, alone with my thoughts, my music and my writings.  Anyhow, I got off track...  While my day has BEEN unproductive, I really must get some things done then maybe I'll even get out of the house and go for a leisurely afternoon drive.

Enjoy your Sunday!

thank you to Dianna for the Sazzy tag

 

Tags: Tunbridge Fair, Cowousels, Blue Ribbons, Quiet

And The Survey Says...

 Nancy sent this survey my way, and having taken the time to complete it, I thought for lack of a better thought to share, I'd share this instead!  I may even have done something similar ~ I know I've posted surveys in the past...  But just in case you've forgotten....  (feel free to play along!)

 1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
       Nope, but my father thought my name would be very fitting for a boat he might own someday...  (but never did!)

 2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
   Yesterday... But the night's young. 

 3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
That depends...  If I'm taking notes, my handwriting is messy, but when writing a letter to someone who is important to me, I take great care to make it look nice.  I do feel that my handwriting is rather unique, as I have my own way of forming certain letters.  (just don't tell my students!)

                                                          

 
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
    "turkey..not slimy though!"  DITTO!

 

 5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
     Yes, two beautiful daughters... and 2 cats!

 6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
     Yes, but I'd have to have a lot of patience!> >>> 

 7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
    I try not to, but it happens ya know... geez!!

 

 8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
       Far as I know!
 

 9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
     Not on your LIFE!  I have a real fear of heights.

 

 10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
      Granola

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?                Never!

 12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
                   Completely depends on the day... 

 13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
          Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough wins by a mile!
 

          14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT

PEOPLE?
      Eyes and smile 
 15. RED OR PINK?
       Pink, but red is very nice, too.

 16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOU?
     My moods and self doubts.

 17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE
 MOST?
   My nana 
18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU?
   Just sending it back to Nancy, but would love to be linked to yours if you so choose to play along!

 19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
       Barefoot and jeans

20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
     A small handful of sun chips while making my girl's lunches for school tomorrow! 

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
   The tellie is on...  Without a Trace.

 22. IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
         Purple

 23. FAVORITE SMELLS?

      Lilacs, honeydew partylite candles, my kitchen while dinner is cooking, freshly shampooed, wet hair

!
 24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
 My friend Candy.

 25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
 I love her!

 26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
ice-skating (if that counts)"   DItto! 

 27. HAIR COLOR?
       Ashe Blonde

 28. EYE COLOR?
       green

 29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
       yes, and I miss them since the Bell's...

 30. FAVORITE FOOD?
     Seafood, steak, creamed chip beef (don't laugh!)!

 31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
        happy endings (absolutely!)

 
32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED
      The Messengers (speaking of scary!)

 33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
       Olive green tank top

 34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
        SUMMER!!!!!!

 35. HUGS OR KISSES? 
           Both, but if I had to choose, I'd pick hugs.

 36. FAVORITE DESSERT?
           Apple crisp with vanilla ice cream

 37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND
      I have no idea!

 
38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
      Ditto
 39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
         "A Bend in the Road"  by Nickolas Sparks
 40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
          Scooby Doo 
41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T. V. LAST NIGHT?
     Last Comic Standing

42. FAVORITE SOUND?
New Age music, the wind rustling in the trees, thunder rolling in, the ocean, my children's voices and laughter

 

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
                Beatles
44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
Germany 
45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
I love to sing, but my voice hasn't aged well... 
46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
              Lebanon, NH 

47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
See above

 

 48. WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO?
A peaceful, happy existance... maybe falling in love someday for the very first time.

 

Tags: memes, playing along, smile

Saving Me

Does anyone out there know how one might go about saving their entire journal?  Is it even possible?  I've tossed an email editor Joe's way, but haven't heard back yet and I'm getting anxious.  If anyone can help me, please let me know by email.

Thanks so much! 

Michelle

The Interview

My dear friend Jackie from Hope Floats has grilled me good this time!  Thank you for some seriously thought provoking questions, Jackie!  I probably could have put more effort into answering them, but I am nursing a real nice head cold at the moment, and I'm about to drift into la la land...

1. For $20,000 would you go for 3 months without washing, brushing your teeth, and using deodorant? Assume you could not explain your reasons to anyone, and there would be no long-term effect on your career. (you are not choosing one, you would have to go without all three).

Okay, this one was hard for me... I am a very clean person and it would take an awful lot for me to even go one DAY without even one of these three things. Before I became an as close as I can possibly be to being a single parent, I would have said, "Not on your life, mister!"

Unfortunately, my financial situation is in no way good at the moment, and I would do almost anything in the world (well now, I DID say ALMOST...) to be financially comfortable right now. To not have to worry about it all the time. To not have this tangled web of confliction over so many aspects of my life because of it. Money does not buy happiness, but it sure as heck helps.  Yes, I would do it.  Consider yourself forewarned...

2. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?

Physically, I would most definitely say the face. Every part of it. A smile that warms me. Gentle, honest eyes. Soft, kissable lips. I am also drawn to a man with whiskers... even if it's five o'clock shadow.

More than physical, I am drawn straight to a man who is outgoing yet a little shy, confident yet humble and not the least bit arrogant or self centered. I notice a man who laughs a lot and enjoys the outdoors. Okay, I am going off on a bit of a tangent here... Sounds like an Eharmony profile... LOL

3. Do you have nightmares, or happy dreams, or are you a non dreamer?

As a child, I had the most horrifying dreams every night. They were frighteningly real and I would often wake up absolutely terrified.  It was very rare that my dreams would ever be sweet...

For years following a bad accident that my girls and I were in, I had reoccuring "accident" dreams for days at a time that had me waking in a cold sweat.

And last night I had a terrible dream... It involved the school where I work and terrorists, and that is all I'm going to say about that.

Not counting last night, my dreams are now almost always pleasant.   It is there that I find peace.

 

4. Do you believe there is a Heaven and a Hell?

Yes, I do... The answer to this question is so involved it would take an entire entry and a half to fully explain my beliefs and the reasons behind them.

5. Do you have a lot of friends, or do you consider yourself to be a loner?

I have many friends. Do I see them often? Not really... Do I socialize on a regular basis? Not hardly. Do I have people I can turn to, if I am in need of a shoulder or someone to share pieces of my life with? Absolutely. And I, in turn, am there for them as well.

I think that being an only child, I have learned over a lifetime to enjoy myself and I am very comfortable in my own company. I enjoy gatherings with close friends, but I often find that I would rather bow out and spend time alone. Not sure if this is a good thing or not. Depends on the day, I guess. There have been times in my life, when I had many friends whom I considered family. Walking in and out of each other's homes without so much as a knock was accepted and even expected. I do miss this. I've withdrawn a lot in the last few years, from social interactions and closeness. By choice. But I miss it.

Now it is your turn!

1. Leave me a comment saying "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your journal with a post containing your answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND! 

 

 

Tags: Interview, show me the money, attraction, faith, dreams, friends, Tonitags