Saturday, July 30, 2005


Alzheimer's Disease is slowly taking over my Nana.  Oh, how blessed we are that she can still smile, with that twinkle in her eye, when we walk in the room.  That unmistakeable recognition.  She sometimes forgets how her great granddaughters are related..."I think these are my neices...." she questions, but she quietly accepts it when I reminder her, "No, nana these are your great granddaughters, Amanda and Mailee! :) "  I know there will come a time when I will have to just go along with her.  I'm just not ready for that yet.  SHE'S not ready. 

She is one tough cookie that lady.  Unfortunately, once we, or anyone walks out her door, it's like we were never there.  She is in a place where I could never imagine being.  In her mind, the part of her that is ill, she is alone in this.  It is her understanding that no one comes to see her.  Ever.  When we do go, she tells us this.  Again, we gently reminder her that grandpa comes 2-3 days a week (which is extremely difficult for him, but he does it) and she says, "Oh, I don't remember."  It is such a blessing that we can still HAVE these conversations!  She isn't gone in her own world, speaking in another language all her own to the heating element.  That is another truth for some in there, and that is terribly sad.  The sad part for Nana is that once we go....the conversation never took place.

Nana was old when she was having memory trouble.  Gramps wasn't going to give his lady up.  Spend 50 some odd years with someone you love dearly and give them up?  I don't think it would be an easy thing to do.  When it got bad, and we almost lost her, it became apparent that she wouldn't be coming home.  Ever again.  I suppose some would say it is fortunate that she was diagnosed at such an old age and not in her 50's.  Yes, probably true.  But this disease....this sick, twisted, ugly one should have to endure it at any age.  I know what's inevitable.  I know what lies ahead.  Thank God Nana doesn't.  Still, I try to be positive and thankful that we still have Nana in the moment.  That's what her life is now.  For the moment.  At least it's that.  The dark place that is Alzheimer's hasn't fully engulfed her yet.  Maybe the good Lord will bring her home before it does.

Until then, keep smiling, Nana.  We love you so much!  xoxo see u soon...

A Fresh Start

There comes a time when change is good.  I have made changes to my journals layout in the past, but I woke up this morning with a whole new thought.  Don't ask me why I was thinking about journaling at such a time...I honestly don't usually put that much thought into it.  Since I started my journal in March of this year, I have mostly concentrated on writing about the daily life of my family, which hey, is just fine ~ my family is the most important thing in my life!  Yet, I woke up feeling like, I don't really know exactly.  Like I needed to reflect more on life and let those thoughts out more that twist and turn in this head of mine.  Thoughts on certain topics or ideas.  Thoughts on life.  I may even get creative now and then and write a short story.  It's kind of exciting to have this outlet that is shared with people everywhere.  For a time, I thought, how crazy it was to even think of opening up and letting all these strangers into my life.  My private thoughts.  My family.

I'm getting over it.  

So "here's" to new ideas.   To total abandon.  To freedom of expression....I think I'm gonna like this. 



Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Disney Thrills and Chills (continued)

I have finally gained enough energy back to actually sit up to the computer and write about our trip.  It took a couple days to recoupe.  What a week it was!  If any of you have been to Disney and spent a week or more with the Magic Your Way passes, you know what I'm talking about!  I must say, it was the most exciting vacation we have ever had. 

My phobias seemed to disappear as we started off.  I allowed myself to relax and take in the flight through the clouds.  We flew on Song which is an airline through Delta.  It's supposed to be low airfare.  Well, it was, as far as the tickets went, but then you had to pay for any meal or snack you ate and the movies were pay per view.  Five bucks a pop!  So that was interesting....

Our hotel at Disney All Stars Movies Resort was great.  The pools were very cool with a Mickey Fantasia Fountain and the food court was pretty affordable.  The only thing I was annoyed about was the noise level at 2:00 am when people were just coming in from the Parks after the magic after hours.  Or when the bars closed.  OMG.  It was hard to get any sleep.  The last night, we had to be up at 3:30 to leave and catch the bus by 4:30.  We finally had the girls settled in and we all went to bed at 9:30.  Well, at 11:30 a group came home from I can only guess, and sang "ANCHORS AWAY" at the top of their lungs for about 1/2 an hour.  I never went back to sleep.  I have to say, that is the most frustrating thing ever.  I feel for anyone suffering from insomnia on a regular basis...

We went to Magic Kingdom, Epcot, Animal Kingdom, MGM Studios, Downtown Disney and Typhoon Lagoon.  We loved MK and Epcot the best.  Typhoon Lagoon was also a huge hit, with the wave pool.  That was amazing.  The waves were bigger than the ocean.  It was nice because every year we have gone to NJ shore and we were missing the ocean this year.  All the waves and no salt, sharks or seaweed in your suit.  Had to hold on to the ole' suit though!

Well, it's good to be home, and we have lots of memories and pictures.  I went a bit camera happy and shot over 150 photos.  I obviously won't be able to share them all!  I could go on and on, but I won't....the girls are buggin' to go swimming.  'Til next time.... :) 

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Disney Thrills and Chills

Three more days until we leave for Florida.  Disney here we come.  I just hope I can keep smiling until we get there....I'm not a big fan of transportation.  Of any kind really.  I don't say much about it to anyone.  When I talked about it in the past Mr. B would say, "Don't think such stupid thoughts like that..."  I suppose he's right, but I can't help it.  I think he believes it will bring on negative energy.  Again, I suppose he's right.  What can I do?  Here we are trying to figure out whether to drive to the airport and park there for the week or take the bus down and I sit here thinking, or rather praying, that I make the right decision so that we don't have an accid....I won't even say it.  I received some parking info today via email and so I think we will go with that.  Now, it's praying for no hurricanes.  Among other things.  I remind me of this guy I worked with back in the 80's.  He was a born again christian and every night after work he sat in his car and prayed for 20 minutes before driving home.  I always wondered what he was day I had the courage to ask (I was only about 15) and he told me he prays before driving. 

I'm not quite that bad....not quite being the operative words.

I do pray, though.  If you do, say a little one for us will you?  Gosh, I sound like we have major hurdles to jump.  Geez.  My grandpa is having surgery to remove cancer from his eye and face this gosh.  I'm pathetic.  Love you gramps!  I'm praying for you, too!!!!


This was a cute pic of Mai as a tiger on July 4th.  I just loved the job the young girl did on her face.  Her best friend had hers done the same way and they had a blast running around together growling at people.  I love her smile these days ~ and she does, too.  She had a run in with a bar at the playground last year and chipped her front tooth.  She wouldn't smile for pictures for the longest time.  The dentist fixed it up like new.  No problems smiling now!!


Friday, July 8, 2005

Just Thinking About It....

I have been struggling with my weight since I was about 10 years don't sign off here!  I don't plan on turning this into a weight loss blog or anything!  I have never really taken dieting seriously, which is a problem, since "ahem" I have gained quite a bit in the last few years.  After high school I lost about 40 lbs and was in my 130's, feeling good after so many years of being disgusted with myself.  Then, well I got married (to a cook, mind you), had 2 beautiful children( I LOVED being fat and pregnant), stopped smoking and stayed home with my babies for about 6 years...yikes!  Well, I am ashamed to say what I got up to, but I am now at a place where I feel a little better and if I tried, I could really lose the weight.  I have a stubborn low functioning thyroid that gets in the way.  But hey!  NO EXCUSES HERE!!  I have recently been researching the Atkins' Diet.  I have heard good and bad, but honestly, most of it sounds good.  If I do it right, the loss would be pretty quick.  I am an emotional eater ~ a whole other entry is needed for that one ~ so I wouldn't have to go without much!  I don't know.  It says no caffeine.  That would be the hardest.  If any of you out there has had good luck with this, please let me know.  It makes sense that if you cut the carbs, the body burns more fat.  I bought the book today for $.25 at our local library, so I'm reading it to really find out if this will work for me.  I used to think it sounded gross, but I know so many people that it has worked for....hmmm...

Anyway, tomorrow we go pick up my daughter from camp!  YEH!  The picture I have added to this entry is of the White Mountains where she is.  This was taken at a picnic area about 20 mins. away.  I have missed her so much this week!  We recieved two letters stating that she is having a blast, so I am excited to hear all the stories.  When we got to the top of the mountain in the van a councelor walked up and said to the driver, "We have a bear." I was a little concerned, but I'm sure they were fine.  OH I CAN'T WAIT TO GET HER!  Ok, I'm ok.  Really, though.  She wrote that she wished that I could experience what she was experiencing.  I know how much she loves it.  I truly am thrilled for her.  No, truly I am!  :o)

Well, I must be on to other things... hope you are all well out there!  Goodnight!


Saturday, July 2, 2005

<img src="" border="0" alt="HASH(0x8e8a6ec)"><br>You aren't a faerie at all! You are a Pixie! You<br>enjoy tormenting your faerie cousins, or<br>anything that sparks an interest. Trouble is<br>your middle name, you love it. You do not know<br>the meaning of consequences, or you just don't<br>care. You can play off at being a faerie, you<br>can be anything you want. Your moods change<br>from day to day, or minute to minute. For some<br>reason people like you, or you like people. No<br>one really knows the answer. You're a mystery<br>to yourself, but you like mysteries... The<br>world is your playground, you have fun playing.
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I hope I fit this all in here alright...very interesting.  I've never thought of myself as a gosh!  Well, it depends.  If I see an injustice being done, I usually can create quite a stir!  I am a bit mysterious.  :}

A leaves for church camp tomorrow.  She is looking forward to it.  I will try very hard not to worry all week.  I gave her the ole' stay-with-your-group-at-all-times lecture.  Not to scare her or anything, but I let her know that yes, you can get lost.  I usually shield my kids from the news - most of it is pretty awful - but I told her about the boy in Utah.  The one they lost and found 4 days later, as well as the one a year ago that was never found...very heartbreaking.  Okay, my heart is starting to flutter...on to other topics.  Anyway, I'm confident that she is in good hands with her unit leaders. 

I'm in a great mood today.  Despite the fact that I just had to spend over $100 for my contact lenses.  Yikes.  My hubby told me to try not to spend anymore $ before our Disney trip...I think I will keep this little expense to myself!  I got a new prescription and 1 eye has a large amt. of astigmatism so it's a toric lens and they are disposable.  BUT I CAN SEE!!!  YEH!

Well, I think we will head over to the's not really hot out today, but I need to just relax in my chaise lounge and be worry-free for a while. 

Hope you are all having a GREAT weekend!!