Saturday, December 31, 2005

Speaking of Resolutions...


I have been off all week, and unfortunately, I haven't been exactly inspired to write in my journal.  This may just be my New Year's resolution..  I've never been very good at keeping them, but this one I may do alright with.  I've had a better day today then most of my week has been.  We just got home, the girls and I.  We spent the night last night at my parents and then drove 2 hours to my Gramps house and then we all drove another 30 minutes to visit Nana at the nursing home.  It was bitter sweet...seeing her is so warming to my heart, and yet she is failing more and more every day and it's breaking my heart.  It was so very hard to leave her there.  Mom and I cried, lagging behind so not to upset the rest of the family.  And yet, every time we see her, it's a blessing to know that she is still able to recognize and talk to us.  She didn't even recognize her own son last week, but today went very well. 

It's good to be home now.  It snowed pretty heavily most of the 2 hour drive home to mom and dad's and the 30 minutes back to our house.  I always look up and say a long amen when I pull into the drive.  Tonight was nice to feel the snowflakes cool my face... I love that feeling.  I think of all the people who don't get to enjoy that very simple pleasure anymore, and it puts things into a better prospective for me.  When I get down, I feel blind to all the good things in life that is taken for granted.  Today was a nice reminder of what is full and good in our lives.  Family.  Through the good, the bad, and the downright ugly (and there is a lot more of that than I dare put in this space of mine), we are together.  We are warm.  No one is suffering physically.  Emotionally, we are strong, as we have each other.  I have my girls.  I have my God to lean on and to praise and thank for keeping me out of harms way.  For leading me down a better path than someone else is on.  To talk to and pray for them, asthey are unable to pray for themselves....okay, I know to you I may be making no sense, but I know what I mean, and I guess that's what matters here...

SO ANY WAY....!!!   

A  very, very Happy New Year to all of you.... I hope all your Christmas's were peaceful and pleasant.  I've got to give Mailee a turn now.  She's been begging ever since I signed on!  Later! 







Thursday, December 22, 2005

 Last night, right before bed, Amanda and Mailee decided they wanted to do Christmas pictures.  Nothing like last minute!!  I did some of them together and some alone, it was a bit stressful, trying to get them done at such a late hour in the day, but we did it, nevertheless... I printed some out this morning and sent some Christmas cards out.  Like I said, nothing like last minute. 

Jane passed away early yesterday morning... We knew it was going to happen, but it's still such a shock.  It's so hard to believe when someone leaves us, that they are just gone.  Thanks Cyndy for the wonderful mail.  It was a nice reminder of what awaits us.  I believe.

I am now feeling somewhat less holiday stress, having everything just about done.  I really was upset with myself for waiting for the last minute, but it was really fine.  The girls will be pleasantly surprised.  So will I, apparently.  There was a huge wrapped package for me under the tree this morning that Amanda had pushed up the stairs from her room.  I was surprised because Ming and I do not usually buy for each other.  It's always about the kids.  Then we get presents at my parents house later on Christmas morning.  So now, I'm all giddy with excitement, just like a kid. 

We have a usually traditions.  There's the pageant, which was beautiful.  We go to Christmas Eve service, and Amanda will be singing again and playing the Bells.  Then we will go to mom and dad's for dinner.  Always oyster stew!  I look forward to mom's oyster stew ALL year!  She does everything, really.  Chicken wings, meatballs, mini franks!!  When we go back Christmas morning, mom has a breakfast dish she makes every year, and this year we are going to just stay there all day until dinner, which is always ham.  All we are bringing for food is pie and bread.. Mom enjoys doing this, but she has so many other things going on.  Jane passing away, Nana dealing with Alzheimer's in the nursing home and her anger with the family for not bringing her home, my grandpa's sadness, other issues even closer to home... I wish we had the means to have everything and everyone here... maybe someday ~ 




Tuesday, December 20, 2005

I took a personal day today.  I was looking for some quiet time for myself, to start and hopefully finish all my holiday shopping and wrapping.  This chore now complete, I can take a moment before the girls get home from school to touch a sad note in this journal of mine today.

Growing up, my parents had a very full social life.  I basked in their much apprecitated popularity, seeing I was not a "queen bee" myself...nor was I a "wanna bee", I just simply had a wonderful small handful of various friends.  I did however enjoy, as I got older,say, 11 -12 years old, going with them to their friends homes, especially the "Jones's".  Mind you, these were not always your kid-friendly visits.  There was always quite a bit of drinking, smoking and very loud music.  But on occasion, there was the softer, more relaxing times at the pool and dinner parties... I never felt uncomfortable there, as there were always lots of hugs, happy people and more "popular" kids to hang out with. 

Well, as time went by, I grew up and my parents did not go to the Jones' house very much at all anymore.  They grew apart, I suppose, and the partying got to be a bit much...I always kept these friends in my heart though, and they have always been at every major event in our families lives.  "Bill" passed away a couple years ago, and "Jane" allowed herself to move on, run the family business and remarry a nice young gentleman...

But on Sunday we got the news that Jane is in the hospital.  She has lung cancer and wasn't expected to live more than a couple months.  This morning I recieved word that she may not make it through the day...

I have a tightness in my throat today, thinking about you Jane...I am so sorry that this has happened to you.  You knew.  I know you did, and you didn't want anyone to go through this with you the way they did with Bill.  You were always my favorite, growing up, even with all the differences.  You were there for anyone who needed you.  You were the rock for your family when Bill died.  I am so sad today, but soon you will be suffering no longer and He will take you home.  May God be with your family as they stand with you now, and as they go on without you...they will be alright.  You've taught them well.  Remember, he decorated your life, and he will be waiting to dance with you again to angel's songs...


Just needed to let that out today.  Thanks.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Caroling Through J-Land

Caroling through J-land....

"Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way..."

Found an inspiring idea over at kara's journal:

Carol through J-land, leaving a link and add some new faces/pages to your community.  A bit like Trick or Treating.  I'm off to sing the night away.... :o)


To participate: 

1) Make an entry titled "Caroling Through J-Land" with these same instructions so others can play along.

2) Visit as many journals as you can and look for their entry titled "Caroling Through J-Land". Leave the title of your favorite carol, along with your name and link to your journal for other carolers.

3) Spread the word so we all can meet new friends and spread some Christmas cheer!

4) Caroling ends this Sunday night at midnight to give everyone plenty of time to make the rounds.

Happy Caroling and Merry Christmas!

Friday Patterns..

I am REALLY liking this Friday snow day pattern... having a extra day the last 2 weeks to get things done is so nice. I've been wrapping, cleaning, laundering... yes, it's nice!! The only not so wonderful thing about it is going extra days into the summer. I guess I won't think about that until then. For now, I'll simply enjoy!!
The picture is taken from my kitchen looking across into the livingroom. My winter wonderland is my favorite holiday decoration and it's the first thing I take out every year. In the background is our lovely (and admittedly fake) tree. I never thought I would ever have a fake tree in my life. The girls and I bought it about 3 years ago when their father started working the insane hours that he works...we were unable to make it out as a family anymore to go tree hunting...something I just did NOT want to do without him. It just didn't seem right. So, we caved and bought this tree at Kmart. It's not too bad, and actually, the girls have A LOT of fun with it. They take it out of the box and assemble it all themelves and hang all the ornaments themselves. I do the garland and lights, they take turns every year putting on the angel, and WA LA. It's Christmas time again.

I'm not doing so great in the buying department this year. I waited to long, now time is running out and I have so much to do. Mr. B has a day off on Sunday, so we are planning to go out then. I did a bit of online buying, but half of it doesn't seem to be shipping out and I don't expect it to come before Christmas. Guess maybe I will learn from this...start in August next year!! I mentioned in my other journal: that the real meaning of Christmas would be somehow lost, and I am trying so hard not to let it happen, but I REALLY want the girls to have lots of presents under the that bad? They have both decided to do the pageant at church, and I am thrilled. Mailee may back out at the last minute, something she is notorious for, but Amanda has a nice part as narrator and is singing a duet. The whole family is going, including hubby and the grandparents, so I am looking forward to it. I ADORE our new minister, so I look forward to every Sunday now...

Well, I must be leaving. I have to start dinner...Hope you all are having a safe and peaceful holiday season!!!


Saturday, December 10, 2005


Make-a-Flake!Yes, you too can create your very own snowflake!  Really, we had a lot of fun with this...check it out at:

Thanks Charley for the link!

We had a wonderful snowfall yesterday that gave us our first snowday of the year off from school.  We enjoyed the day, playing a bit in the snow and driving a short distance to our local theater to watch wide eyed The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe.

I must warn anyone who has not seen this that you may want to think twice about bringing very young children.  I thought Harry Potter was creepy!!  My girls seemed to love it, but I think they may have been putting on the brave face.  The effects are amazing and the wolves are fierce.  The White witch, well, you can guess.  Aselan's scene near the end (those of you who know the story understand) is quite frightening, the creatures are amazingly real looking and Lion King memories will come back ten fold.

It WAS fantastic, though.

Well, I have to run upstairs and check on Mai and her friend.  We were talked into a sleepover tonight while roaming the aisles of Walmart today.  A neighbor who is a bit on the pushy side decided to invite her daughter to my house again, now she is scared and won't sleep, the poor thing, so I'm going to check on her.  I hear voices...

Until next time, be well..

Saturday, December 3, 2005

Ready or not...

I haven't taken the time to write lately.  I've had some good days and bad, as we all do.  Today happens to be a good one, so it's time sit back, relax and spice up this journal a bit.

So, it's coming, isn't it?  Always my favorite holiday, through all the stresses and fuss about who is getting what, and wishing I had the money for it all.  I feel the spirit, sitting in my decorated livingroom, with the lights sparkling and the carols in the background, but I know the hustle and bustle will take over and the real meaning will be lost somewhere.  I'm ashamed of that, I must admit.  I encourage my girls to take part in the Christmas pageant.  This year they both were adament that they would NOT be doing it.  That is until a few moments ago, when the director called to offer Amanda a narrator part with a duet!  She agreed, and Mailee decided that she too, might be suitable for a part.  At least that will give them some small perspective.  Amanda is almost 12 and still fully believes.  I wonder if that is just an excuse to ask for every expensive electronic device known to man?  'OH, SANTA will bring it!!'

Yeah...okay, honey......   

We put the tree up today.  Actually, the girls did it all themselves, from the stand to the angel.  We have been putting up a fake tree for the last few years.  It's just more convenient for us, as Ming is always working and I just don't know about going out and tying one to the roof of the car.   I miss having a real one, though, I must say.  I miss the scent of pine lingering in the air.  I light my pine scented candle and that helps.  A little.  Well, no worry on keeping it watered, anyway.

Hope you all are doing well in your lives.  It's time for me to eat popcorn and watch Jimanji with the kiddos now.  Enjoy your December!