Thursday, October 27, 2005

Two Things part DEUX

Back to our regularly schedueled journal entry...

(second part of favorite songs question)

Rain by George Winston (also a top favorite artist)


Two things you want in a relationship (other than real love)



Two truths (confessions)

I sneak my girl's Halloween candy (bad, I know..)

I can be much too outspoken

Two physical traits that appeal to you



Two favorite hobbies



Two things you want really badly

A house

To sleep in...

Two places you would like to vacation


any tropical island

Two things you want to do before you die

See my children grow old


Two ways you are a stereotypical chick/guy:

Typical "blonde"

I scream very loudly at spiders

Two things you wouldn't normally admit:

Everyone thinks I'm so patient, but inside, I'm screaming.

I bought my SUV on my own when my husband adamently refused to say yes to it!  (did not go over well...)


Well, that says quite a bit...Yes, I have my faults.  Don't we all?  Gee, I sure hope so.  That must be called being human.  To all blondes out there...hope you don't take offense ~ I AM a bit of a flake at times, and often people say that to me..."typical blonde"  I've come to terms with it and find it quite useful at times!!

Anyone else gonna give this a try?  Thanks for the inspiration Charley!

Here are some fun pumpkin pics from last weekend! 


Two things....

For lack of something profound to write about this evening, I decided to open a small window.  I found this "quiz" at Charley's journal:

Here's my "things"


Two names you go by:

Mrs. B


Two parts of your heritage:



Two things that scare you:

Something bad happening to my family (this can keep me up at night)

Very loud thunder storms

Two everyday essentials:


Hugs from my girls

Two things you are wearing right now:

A marroon sweater

Beige pants

Two favorite bands/musical artists (at the moment):

Shania Twain

Rascal Flatts

Two favorite songs (at the moment)

That new LeeAnn Rhimes song...I can't think of the's driving me crazy.  ("Got a date with the preachers son...people say I'm crazy. Guess I'll have to see...")

I have to finish this later...Must go pick up my daughter from Choir! 





Friday, October 21, 2005

Peaceful and gentle, lambs have been used in religious imagery for millennia. Lambs are baby sheep, an animal tended by shephards since the dawn of history. As a lamb, you tend to stay together in a flock and graze on grassy land. Lambs don't mind being led and tend not to go off on their own.

You were almost a: Bear Cub or a Turtle
You are least like a: Squirrel or a Mouse



This was a fun quiz.  I needed to have some fun this evening.  The week has gone pretty well.  Thank you so much to all who have been wishing me peace and means the world.  There are a lot of undone parts of my life, pieces of me still waiting to be layed down into place.  I know this, which is a pretty good start.  I have dreamed of taking off into the White Mountains and doing some major

soul searching, and then coming to some eye opening conclusion about something that needs changing and then changing it.  The most wonderful thing is that I love my family and my life so much that I would not be able to stay away long enough!  My girls are my life, and to some, that may sound as though I only live to be a mom....well, honestly, that may be true.  But then, I sometimes wonder about that part of me that used to go out and have fun. Adult fun.  My husband and I haven't been able to go out on a "date" for about 2 years.  I think we went to a movie last...some date!  Can do that at home.  We've only danced together once ~ at our wedding reception!  Yet, I have to remember that this is not his choice...he has to work! 

Alright...I will wallow no more this evening.  Mai and I are home together tonight.  Big sis has gone to a musical performance of Guys and Dolls with a friend.  So I have had some alone time with both of them, as Mai was at a friend's house yesterday...It's important to have quality time with them both, one on one, without the sibling rivalry.  Constant sibling rivalry, that is.  I think they take a lot of their own issues out on each other.  It just hurts to see them so upset with each other all the time.  When it's good, it's very good, and short and sweet.  ***all normal, all normal, all normal***

Well, I need to get us ready for bed soon...we have to get up for early double header field hockey games in the morning.  Hope all of you have a great, relaxing weekend!      




Sunday, October 16, 2005



Hearing whispers in the dark

    It doesn't seem to be

A pleasant sound when alone

The world keeps spinning

   The sun rises, shining

        In my window


So do you hear me when

   I scream when I can't

see the light through the blinds?

Do you feel my heart beating

      against your skin

as you sleep do you dream?

         are you alone?


                                           Not having the best of days today.


I feel so ashamed when I am down.  There are so many people, thousands, that are truly in pain.  Pain from suffering.  Pain from loss.

I usually am very good at counting my blessings.  Today just doesn't happen to be a day for numbers. 

 I'm sorry for not being grateful today, but I just can't turn off the tightening in my chest.  I keep looking at the walls.  These damn blasted white walls that we aren't allowed to paint any other color.  Thank goodness the girls are busy with their friends.  I would be truly embarrassed.  I try SO HARD to always be positive with them.  To always look on the bright side of things.  Yet, I know they feel it too.  Maybe that's what is causing the emotional outbursts.  When I am trying with all my might to do fun things and be happy and laugh, do they stomp on that just to say, "MOM, Duh..."  Do they know how alone I feel?  Do they feel that way as well?   God, dear God, I hope not. 

I'm sorry that I am feeling this way....I fear that if I open that blockage to my soul and allow myself to feel that I will lose what I do have.  I feel as though I must block it out to keep things going throughout the day to day...When I feel like shit and then 2 hours later I am smiling and sipping tea while I fold the laundry, is it because I really feel well again, or is my mind playing tricks on me?  Blocking it out again so I can go on with the day.....?  Getting so busy being alone that I forget to feel.

And yet if I truly were all alone, it would be 10 times harder....

Well, maybe my next entry will be more upbeat.  I just needed to do this today.










Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Head Smasher No More


I feel like a new person tonight, thanks to you!  Not too long ago, I was this frustrated, headsmasher trying desperately to figure the graphics thing out.  Rebecca, I am dedicating this one to you...and let's hope it all saves fine.  If not, this computer is straight out the window!  Your instuctions were outstanding, though, so shouldn't be anymore problems.  May even try out another....

Ok, this is tricky.  I'm still experimenting.  I wanted to add another graphic and it opened up above next to the head smasher guy....I have some work to do!



This is definetly working out.

Alright, my daughter is getting pretty annoyed with me and I can't say I blame her.  She wants help scrapbooking and is getting louder with every word I add to this entry. 


Saturday, October 8, 2005

Life path


Your life path number is 3

Your Life Path is one that emphasizes expression, sociability, and creativity as the lesson to be learned in this life. You possess the most exceptional creative skills: normally in the verbal realm, writing, speaking, acting, or similar endeavors.

The lesson to be learned with a 3 life path is that of achievement through expression.

The bright side of this path stresses harmony, beauty and pleasures; of sharing your creative talents with the world. Capturing your capability in creative self-expression is the highest level of attainment for this life path. You are warm and friendly, a good conversationalist, social and open.

A good conversationalist both from the standpoint of being a delight to listen to, but even more importantly, one who has the ability to listen to others. You are always a welcome addition to any social situation and know how to make others feel at home.

Your reative imagination is present, if sometimes latent, as the you may not be moved to develop your talent. Your approach to life tends to be exceedingly positive, and your disposition is almost surely sunny and open-hearted. You effectively cope with all of the many setbacks that occur in life and readily bounce back for more.  You seem to be very conscious of other people's feelings and emotions.

Life is generally lived to the fullest, often without much worry about tomorrow. You are not very good at handling money because of a general lack of concern about it. You spend it when you have it and don't when you don't.

<div align="center">
<a href="">What Is Your Life Path Number?</a>

The result of this Life Path number reminded me of when I was in Junior High and we took a test of sorts to determine what would be a good career choice.  Mine resulted in exactly what I had excelled in and felt most comfortable doing.  ART.

I did quite poorly in school, as I have mentioned before.  I also felt compelled to get into physical altercations with other kids...particularly boys.  I never have understood why I had such an agressive personality.  It has bothered me for my whole peace-loving adult life.  I seemed to have had a desire to show them all that I would not be messed with.  I had a lot of angry feelings inside and at the time could not understand those feelings.  I still don't. 

I felt most peaceful and quiet in my head when I was using an artistic outlet to express.  I felt good when I was painting, drawing, singing and making my own music on the piano.  All those clenched up nerves would relax and I would flow into whatever I was creating. 

So this path number is quite interesting to me...

Perhaps I need to find more creative ways to spend my days.  Maybe an art class at our local gallery...or ceramics.  Maybe I should sing again....or at least more often.  My journal began with the title: Time For ME.  With all the running around I do, it's next to impossible to make this happen without a great deal of planning and concious effort. 

NO complaining though.  I love the time I spend with my hope is that they will stop fighting long enough to enjoy the time as well.  I know it's normal...but will they ever get along?  Be friends even?  Such is sibling life, I suppose.  Being an only child makes it hard for me to understand this my oldest tells me. 

she's probably right.



Monday, October 3, 2005

Monday Photo Shoot

Your Monday Photo Shoot: Catch a critter in a picture! For the purposes of this photo shoot, a "critter" is a creature that is not a pet, so no dogs or cats, but mice, squirrels, pigeons, badgers, hedgehogs, wolverines, deer, dragons, sasquatch or any other sort of ambulatory thing is acceptable (as are bugs).

I have been in Journal land for 7 months now and I have yet to figure out how to post a frameless photo, graphic or link.  I understand the whole http thing, but how on earth do you all just type a persons name and it links readers to their journal??  How can I add graphics?  I have some nice graphics saved in a folder, I've done that much, but I guess I just don't have time to figure it all out unless I want to stay up until 3am.  No thanks.  I have a hard enough time getting up as it is. 

So anyway, this is my Monday Photo Shoot pic.  I was dubbing around with my canon at my grandparents house over the summer.  The bee is really clear in an enlarged photo, so I really do like this one.

I didn't visit Nana and Gramps as much as I would have liked to this summer.  Even this year.  It seems so hard to find the time when we are all free to take a whole day or weekend to drive 2 hours down.  NO, that's pathetic.  I need to make the time happen.  Yes, we have busy lives...who doesn't?  I feel so guilty and angry at myself for not going more.  My Gramps is so low in spirits now with my Nana in the nursing home.  Mom tries to make me feel better by saying no other grandchildren visit them, but I wish I could go more.  If they were closer, I'd visit all the time.  I would love to go have dinner with Nana at the home.  As I mentioned in a previous entry, the Alzheimer's prevents her from even remembering we were there, so it would be nice to be able to make her day a little brighter every day, even though she wouldn't recall my being there....just to see her smile is more for my benefit, I guess.  I feel blessed that she at least still knows who we all are.

Gramps has his cancer surgery on Monday, so I did take the day off from work to be there.  He is a wreck worrying about it.  It is not life threatening, but more of a painful tumor in his eye lid that looksand feels awful.  Also the skin cancer on his cheek, part of which he's had removed twice already.  Please, lather up yourselves and the kiddos with's not pretty. 

On a lighter note, what a glorious fall we are having.  It has been close to 80* for three straight days and it seems it's going to continue for a few more days.  The cooler nights are helping me sleep better as well.  I love the four seasons in New England.  I always try not to complain too much about the extremes of the seasons.  We don't have too long before it all changes.  Don't blink, as they say.

The girls have gotten their Halloween costumes already...borrowed, mind you, which is perfectly fine with ME!  They are my concience.  A lovely, flowing angel and a red devil with glowing horns.  Yikes.

Until next time, all be well!

Sunday, October 2, 2005

<a href="" target="_blank"><img src="" border="0"></a><br><br>
<font face="arial"><a href="" target="_blank">what decade does your personality live in?</a><br><br>
quiz brought to you by <a href="" target="_blank">lady interference, ltd</a></font>

Sunday afternoon...not doing much today.  Church this morning, a bit of laundry, grocery shopping, fun.  I took this personality quiz found in the Saturday Six.  There never seems to be enough time to answer all the questions, but I was interested in finding out what decade I related most to.  Being an 80's woman doesn't surprise me.  I was in high school then, and even though those days seemed very depressing to me at the time, I look back and remember a lot of good experiences as well.  Quite frankly, I'm lucky to be here today writing this...I allowed myself to fall deeply into the adolescent hole of self pity, but I had a lot of friends down there with me.  I'm sure many of you had similar teenage years.  I was a middle girl.  I had friends who were cheerleaders and football players and also friends who were thought of as outcasts.  It seems so funny to me now...we actually had an outdoor smoking room for students!  Of course no one used it except the "losers" even though the popular kids smoked behind their closet doors!  When I flunked out of freshman year, dyed my hair black and looked like I just moved into town straight from a punk rock video, I lost quite a few friends...and gained some new ones that mom and dad looked at crosseyed from behind the flowered curtain of our very normal home.  So many things happened back then.  I won't get into them all.  Maybe in another entry.  Like I said, I'm lucky to be here.  I'm thankful every day.

I finally turned myself back around in '87, knowing I had to shape up or be a failure forever.  I had to go to summer school for the second summer in a row to graduate with my class.  I did, and I even looked "normal" again, too.  Much to the delight of my parents, who really put up with so much crap from me.  I never really appreciated them until about 2 years later, but I wasn't so difficult to be around anymore.  I still am shocked that I graduated with my class...or at all.

Part of the reason I do what I do for work is to help kids get a positive start to school and to help them build healthy relationships with other kids.  I think this is so important at an early age, to get that extra help when you need it.  Teachers do an amazing job, educating 16+ students every day for 7 job is to help meet the needs of those who feel lost or who don't believe in themselves.  I want them to feel positive about school at an early age and have them know that they are okay, and help is available. 

I believe my difficult experiences during the 80's shaped my into the adult I am today.  I didn't cry in vain.  I hope I can always realize my purpose on this earth as a mother, a wife, a daughter and a teacher, and never forget that I am okay, too.  :o)