Thirteen years ago today, my life was blessed with the most precious gift.  A most beautiful and healthy baby girl.  My life changed in the most amazing way, and I realized for the first time who and what I was meant to be and do.  There was very little else in my life that was right at that time, but I knew beyond any doubt, that I was going to be the best mom that I could possibly be.  Oh, I was scared... Don't get me wrong.  This little bundle was resting ~ butt first, folded in HALF (picture legs hugging ears...) and the umbilical cord had firmly placed itself around her little neck.  And yet, somehow I just knew.  I knew that she would be just fine, and I would be, too.  I just figured that she simply enjoyed a little challenge and was already planning to prove herself in her first moments out from the comfort, safety and warmth of my womb. 

 

Pure joy...  That's all I can say about my experiences as a first time mom.  Everything seemed to fall into place as far as she and I were concerned.  Nights were generally peaceful...  I nursed her for the first year and often fell asleep and awoke with her in my arms.  As she grew, and reached every milestone far earlier than the books had all said (and believe me, I read them ALL!) I loved and adored her more each and every day.  I played Mariah Carey and danced around my living room with her in my arms.  I sang to her several times a day.  She smiled, she laughed, she crawled and took her first steps at 8 months, walking steadily only two weeks later...

 

As time went on, I knew that this daughter of mine was special.  Everything she touched turned to gold.  Every opportunity she had, she would learn something new and excel in it.  She was reciting her ABCs at 22 months.  She was reading at age 4.  And this little one could dance...  Oh, my goodness.  At age 6 she joined a dance competition group and for five years dazzled all with her talent and beauty.  She was given a full scholarship for two of those years because they could not bear to see her go, even as we were no longer able to pay the hundreds of dollars a month for lessons, costumes and competition fees.

 

She is a caring and watchful big sister to Mailee.  She tries not to like her, I mean, she can't ADMIT to liking her, but I know she loves her deeply.  Mailee gave her a card that read,  "You're better than an angel on my shoulder....   You're my sister."  Amanda didn't know that I saw her pick up this card several times this evening and look at it.  I see a friendship developing between them as they grow older, and it truly warms my heart.

 

And she is a the sort of friend any other child would want to have standing beside them.  An acquaintance approached me a few days ago to tell me how Amanda stood up for her daughter when she was approached by a rather mean-spirited classmate at school that day.  Amanda had taken this young girl aside as she cried inconsolably and told her jokes and made her laugh.  She didn't care if the other girl or anyone else was watching.  She gently lead her out of the room and took her under her wing. 

 

Amanda, 

 

On this day and every day, I wish you always to dance.  To never stop hoping, dreaming and reaching for the stars.  To never settle for less than what you deserve in life, and above ALL else, follow your heart.

 

Life is never without moments of struggle or pain, but what always shines through the darkness... is love. 

 

I love you, Amanda.  Shine on, sweet daughter of mine.

 

Happy Birthday!

 

In my daughter's eye's
I am a hero
I am strong and wise and I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see
She was sent to rescue me
I see who I want to be
In my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes
Everyone is equal
Darkness turns to light
And the world is at peace
This miracle God gave to me
Gives me strength when I am weak
I find reason to believe
In my daughter's eyes

When she wraps her hand around my finger
Oh, it puts a smile in my heart
Everything becomes a little clearer
I realize what love is all about

It's hangin' on when your heart has had enough
It's giving more when you feel like giving up
I've seen the light
It's in my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes
I can see the future
A reflection of who I am and what will be
Though she'll grow and someday leave
Maybe raise a family
When I'm gone I hope you'll see
How happy she made me
For I'll be there...
In my daughter's eyes

In My Daughter's Eyes   By Martina McBride

Acceptance, Courage and Wisdom..

(Mill Bridge sketch Jan. '07)

 

"And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it."

Roald Dahl

    There is no dress rehersal for life.   Much of it is about choices.  At least in my own personal experiences...  I have been fortunate enough in my relatively short time on earth to not have been thrown too many curves that I was not able to dodge in order to avoid.  I have both of my parents (as well as my beloved grandpa), who, despite any past difficulties we may have had, are still and always will be my closest friends.  I have never been diagnosed with a serious illness or disease which might render me unable to care for myself or my daughters...  Daughters that I am blessed by God with and who give me reason, purpose, and great happiness.  I am blessed with all my senses that give me the ability to see, hear, feel and inhale all the sweetness in life that is showered over me in abundance every single day.  I have the ability to walk quietly and run swiftly (okay, maybe not very swiftly)with an able body and dream softly with an able mind...   I find that most of the things I wish were changable in my life in fact ARE and that much of what I am unhappy about is due to my own life choices.   'God, grant me the serenity...'    

Catching Up

             

It's been far too long since I've really written here...  Sure, I did the Christmas and New Year's entries, and I've shared a few pieces of me here and there, but I haven't really been here.  My body has been here, sitting in this same chair every night for I don't know how many days in a row, but my mind, my spirit, has been elsewhere.  I am happy to report that I am back, and I hope to find more time to share my thoughts as well as visit and comment more in other journals.  I've been reading, I just haven't commented as much as I would like to.  It was hard to find words for others when I was unable to find words for myself for so long. 

So, here I am.  Feeling well and finding peace within that I know has always been.  Sometimes it's just so much easier to see and feel it than other times.  Isn't that life?  Oh, yes... this beautiful blessing called life...  When is it NOT complicated?  When is it truly all we wish for and dream of?

And what has been going on in my life lately?  Well, there's work, which is continuing to go well, even though for a while I honestly thought that I was going to have to stop working.  Yeah, I felt that bad.  What I have found (and have known all along) is that children are little angels...  To have a job where you walk into a room and you are surrounded by bright smiles, hugs as warm as the sun and "guess what's?" and "You're so pretty's!" when you feel like crud inside is just so incredibly heart warming...  And when you come home to much of the same from your own children (well, most of the time, anyway... but they ARE normal), it's hard to imagine that life seemed so bleak just yesterday, or so many days before that... 

Amanda's 13th birthday is in a week.  Almost a teenager...  ::dread::  I must be completely honest here, though.  She is a wonderful daughter.  Even as she moves through the phases of natural growth, with funky mood swings at every turn (she IS her mother's daughter!), she is beauty and grace and a lovely example to her little sister.  More so now than ever before.  She is VERY excited to be turning a page into teenage life.  I have reserved a hotel suite for her and her friends to celebrate.  Complete with a fireplace, whirlpool and indoor pool as well.  It's a two room suite, so I'll actually have my own space  and they will be able to have a little privacy.  She was SO sweet saying that I was more than welcome to hang out with her and her friends, so not to feel left out.  She told me I was an awesome mom.  Wow...  Seriously.  I was, and still am in shock.  Personally, I look forward to a night out, and even if I stay in my own space the whole night reading my book, It'll actually be a night to remember!  I DO need to get out more, I know... 

I have more to say, but will save it for another entry.  Thanks for sticking with me and for commenting on my shorter entries.  Specifically the ones regarding my Rose drawing.  I received the charcoal pencils and sketch pad for Christmas, and I am finding time (with a great deal of effort... TIME?  What a concept!) to draw again which was always a wonderful outlet for me in the past and I am currently working on some others which I hope to share in the future, if I think they are at all worth sharing!

Take care, and stay safe!

Michelle

 

WOOHOO!!!

Okay, I have no idea if this will work..  I'm trying out a new way of sharing photos through woohoo.aim.com.  Thanks Bea,(http://journals.aol.com/bgilmore725/Wanderer/), for the inspiriation! 

If this in fact, DOES work, you will surely recognize many of these photos, as I have shared most of them in this journal and the photos come directly from my AIM page.  I mostly wanted to see what it would look like on a journal page so that I might have a new and interesting way to share my photos. 

So here we go! 

 

If seeds in the black earth can turn into such beautiful
roses, what might not the heart of man become in its
long journey toward the stars?
-  G.K. Chesterton