Tuesday, March 6, 2007

Looking Up

Ah yes, the true me...  (thank you for the enlightenment, Maria! LOL)

SCORPIO:. The sex addict

Can be mean. EXTREMELY sexy. Intelligent. Energetic. Predict future.

Most erotic. (Freak in bed.) (GREAT kisser.) Always get what they want.

Sexy. Attractive. Easy going. Loves being in long relationships.

Talkative. The sexiest ever....Romantic. Caring. 

Sex?  Am I missing something here?  :o/

Okay, that was just too funny not to post...  Won't be using my rare talents anytime soon, I'm afraid! 

It's been an incredibly long time since I've clicked on that little "happy" emoticon up there...  Fortunately, I have found many reasons to be happy lately.  Happier than I was allowing myself to be, anyway.  Everything ~ well, for the most part, is going very well for me.  I have always tried to look at the bigger picture in life, the overall grand scheme of things.  What I see now is that perhaps the picture I thought I needed to envision was in fact not at all the picture that I was meant to see.  Is it possible, that what the future holds is so bright that I've been completely blinded by it's sheer brilliance?  Shielding my eyes, or quite simply ~ turning around and walking away?  Without even realizing it?  I've been going through the motions for so long now, that I haven't TRULY taken the time to let that brilliance in.  To feel it deep within my soul and to believe with all my heart that it's light and warmth is meant for me.

I've been trying really hard to focus on all the positives, and yes, some days are, quite frankly, a hell of a lot easier than others.  I have obstacles, like you, and you and even you...  That helps, you know.  Not feeling alone.  I have a great support system around me.  My family is behind me and supporting me in this decision.  My friends are SO thoughtful and encouraging.  My work is very fulfilling in some ways, yet it's just as important for me to realize that I will be needing to broaden my horizons, especially if I'm going to stay where I am.  Which is what I would like very much to do.  It's just something I have to consider if I'm going to make it on my own somehow.  And I will, because with two amazing children relying on me, there is simply no other choice and I am proud to step up to the plate for them at all times.  I will be stronger, happier and more at peace with myself than I have been for longer than I care to think about. 

I've been attending church again (they don't know I'm a Scorpio...) as well as taking some time for myself to enjoy some activities with friends.  I've been taking time to just sit and read or listen to MY music!  I've also been listening to the people with whom I am closest to, because they will tell me what I need to hear as well as the things I DON'T want to hear sometimes, because they love and care about me. 

I am laughing, and playing with my kids more.  I'm taking time to just "be silly".  To have a pillow fight, or chase each other around the house!  I must say, I am SOO flippin' ready for spring right now...  It was 23 BELOW ZERO with the wind chill today.  It's supposed to warm up by Saturday and be in the 50s.  I don't mean to wish the winter away.  I mean, being a true New Englander is appreciating the beauty of all four seasons for all they are worth...  I just need to feel that warm breeze and breathe in the sweet scent of new beginnings...

I do appreciate all the kind and encouraging words I've received, both here and elsewhere during some of those darker days ~ and everyday.  It means more than I can say.  Especially since many of you are going through some difficult times as well, and that you've reached out to me does not go unnoticed.  It is a true blessing.  Thank you all.