Tuesday, March 6, 2007

Looking Up

Ah yes, the true me...  (thank you for the enlightenment, Maria! LOL)

SCORPIO:. The sex addict

Can be mean. EXTREMELY sexy. Intelligent. Energetic. Predict future.

Most erotic. (Freak in bed.) (GREAT kisser.) Always get what they want.

Sexy. Attractive. Easy going. Loves being in long relationships.

Talkative. The sexiest ever....Romantic. Caring. 

Sex?  Am I missing something here?  :o/

Okay, that was just too funny not to post...  Won't be using my rare talents anytime soon, I'm afraid! 

It's been an incredibly long time since I've clicked on that little "happy" emoticon up there...  Fortunately, I have found many reasons to be happy lately.  Happier than I was allowing myself to be, anyway.  Everything ~ well, for the most part, is going very well for me.  I have always tried to look at the bigger picture in life, the overall grand scheme of things.  What I see now is that perhaps the picture I thought I needed to envision was in fact not at all the picture that I was meant to see.  Is it possible, that what the future holds is so bright that I've been completely blinded by it's sheer brilliance?  Shielding my eyes, or quite simply ~ turning around and walking away?  Without even realizing it?  I've been going through the motions for so long now, that I haven't TRULY taken the time to let that brilliance in.  To feel it deep within my soul and to believe with all my heart that it's light and warmth is meant for me.

I've been trying really hard to focus on all the positives, and yes, some days are, quite frankly, a hell of a lot easier than others.  I have obstacles, like you, and you and even you...  That helps, you know.  Not feeling alone.  I have a great support system around me.  My family is behind me and supporting me in this decision.  My friends are SO thoughtful and encouraging.  My work is very fulfilling in some ways, yet it's just as important for me to realize that I will be needing to broaden my horizons, especially if I'm going to stay where I am.  Which is what I would like very much to do.  It's just something I have to consider if I'm going to make it on my own somehow.  And I will, because with two amazing children relying on me, there is simply no other choice and I am proud to step up to the plate for them at all times.  I will be stronger, happier and more at peace with myself than I have been for longer than I care to think about. 

I've been attending church again (they don't know I'm a Scorpio...) as well as taking some time for myself to enjoy some activities with friends.  I've been taking time to just sit and read or listen to MY music!  I've also been listening to the people with whom I am closest to, because they will tell me what I need to hear as well as the things I DON'T want to hear sometimes, because they love and care about me. 

I am laughing, and playing with my kids more.  I'm taking time to just "be silly".  To have a pillow fight, or chase each other around the house!  I must say, I am SOO flippin' ready for spring right now...  It was 23 BELOW ZERO with the wind chill today.  It's supposed to warm up by Saturday and be in the 50s.  I don't mean to wish the winter away.  I mean, being a true New Englander is appreciating the beauty of all four seasons for all they are worth...  I just need to feel that warm breeze and breathe in the sweet scent of new beginnings...

I do appreciate all the kind and encouraging words I've received, both here and elsewhere during some of those darker days ~ and everyday.  It means more than I can say.  Especially since many of you are going through some difficult times as well, and that you've reached out to me does not go unnoticed.  It is a true blessing.  Thank you all.



radar446 said...

Well aren't you just Little Ms Merry Sunshine!!  It's nice to see you clicking that happy button again.  I know, it was the pillow fight wasn't it??  Much better than a snowball fight, I reckon.  :)


jckfrstross said...

have a good week:)


stupidsheetguy said...

So nice to see you haven't lost your sense of humor, nor your sense of self! Enjoy those kids; they're the best remedy you'll have through all this.


barbpinion said...

love it when those I care about are doing well, and you're having one of life's *good days.* I am so happy about that, and  proud of you for not letting what hurts hold you down. We get down sometimes- that's for sure. But we'll do okay as long as we get back up.
BIG HUGS. Love you so much, and respect you as well.
Barb- http://journals.aol.com/barbpinion/THERESTOFTHESTORY

queeniemart said...

what a gift to open this alert and it is from my Michelle. I feel GOOD inside knowing you are doing well....i think of you everyday.
My 18 yr old daughter is a Scorpio. Are you quiet...do you hold it all in and is it hard for you to share and express things? That sure is Megan. She is a tough nut to crack.
I hope church is going well. Stay warm, be yourself, enjoy this time of reflecting and moving forward.

a2002v2002 said...

Happy your happy! Hey, if I am the romantic sign Libra, you have to be the sexy sign;)
Smiles, keep have fun with the children!

s0ngbird1962 said...

Hey, I found your journal again....Glad I did.  Sounds like you were going through some dark days, glad that the sun is shining once more.

bobbysgirl8584 said...

Hey Michelle!! I am so glad to hear you are doing well and feeling stronger.  Remember I am here if you need me.  Enjoy the rest of the weekend...glad you enjoyed my "I'm a Libra" entry!! I found out some enlightening things about myself in that one!!

sazzylilsmartazz said...

This was an inspiring entry and I read it twice. I'm going through so many changes lately all I seem to be able to see is uncertainty. I need to start refocusing on the positives - and I have those. Thank you ever so much for the reminder.

cdittric77 said...

Keep hanging in there. I know you'll be just where you need to be when you get there! :)


sunnyside46 said...

You came to see me so I came to see you.
You sound like you will have a bright future because you will make it so.

ksgal3133 said...

I'm glad things are getting alittle bit better.
wooo scorpio the sex addict....that explains my husband who is a scorpio,LOL


nhd106 said...

Michelle, I don't know HOW I missed this entry....it's wonderful.
I just love how you strive.  You just keep striving.   That is so admirable to me.    I swear, if you're ever in my neck of the woods...or I'm in yours, I'd really like to meet ya!
Take care,