Saturday, July 30, 2005

Nana

Alzheimer's Disease is slowly taking over my Nana.  Oh, how blessed we are that she can still smile, with that twinkle in her eye, when we walk in the room.  That unmistakeable recognition.  She sometimes forgets how her great granddaughters are related..."I think these are my neices...." she questions, but she quietly accepts it when I reminder her, "No, nana these are your great granddaughters, Amanda and Mailee! :) "  I know there will come a time when I will have to just go along with her.  I'm just not ready for that yet.  SHE'S not ready. 

She is one tough cookie that lady.  Unfortunately, once we, or anyone walks out her door, it's like we were never there.  She is in a place where I could never imagine being.  In her mind, the part of her that is ill, she is alone in this.  It is her understanding that no one comes to see her.  Ever.  When we do go, she tells us this.  Again, we gently reminder her that grandpa comes 2-3 days a week (which is extremely difficult for him, but he does it) and she says, "Oh, I don't remember."  It is such a blessing that we can still HAVE these conversations!  She isn't gone in her own world, speaking in another language all her own to the heating element.  That is another truth for some in there, and that is terribly sad.  The sad part for Nana is that once we go....the conversation never took place.

Nana was old when she was having memory trouble.  Gramps wasn't going to give his lady up.  Spend 50 some odd years with someone you love dearly and give them up?  I don't think it would be an easy thing to do.  When it got bad, and we almost lost her, it became apparent that she wouldn't be coming home.  Ever again.  I suppose some would say it is fortunate that she was diagnosed at such an old age and not in her 50's.  Yes, probably true.  But this disease....this sick, twisted, ugly disease....no one should have to endure it at any age.  I know what's inevitable.  I know what lies ahead.  Thank God Nana doesn't.  Still, I try to be positive and thankful that we still have Nana in the moment.  That's what her life is now.  For the moment.  At least it's that.  The dark place that is Alzheimer's hasn't fully engulfed her yet.  Maybe the good Lord will bring her home before it does.

Until then, keep smiling, Nana.  We love you so much!  xoxo see u soon...

1 comment:

sistercdr said...

Cling to these moments when she's still together.  Alzheimer's is the cruelest thief.