Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Visiting a distant relative...


We've been enjoying our week off from school.  Other than the cold temps, (which really haven't been that cold...) it sure doesn't look like a New England winter this year.  At least not for very long.  It doesn't feel like our usual February break.  The ponds aren't frozen through enough, there is no snow for sledding, sculpting or snowman making... Jeez.  I'm usually SO sick of snow by now.  At this point, I'm still all excited when it starts to even remotely spit snow.

I have two uncles that live about 45 minutes from us.  We NEVER see them.  One came to our wedding, and other than that, I think we've only seen them at my grandmother's funeral.  This is my father's side of the family, and for some reason (and I think there really IS one...:/ ) they are not very close.  We are much closer with mom's side, who live 2 hours away.  Even the girls have seen more of husband's family in California!   There are some strange stories that I can not publicly get into, but nothing too major that should keep us all apart.  So, when my girls got wind of the fact that Uncle A has 6 horses....WELL!  It didn't take long for the bridge to be built!  It often takes children to open up the eyes of adults.  My father thanked Amanda profusely for calling him and getting his butt in gear to call his brother, who immediately agreed that we simply must come!  Four days later...

We had a very nice visit.  The girls loved the barn and the horses.  They saw Jake the dog in the window of their modest mobile home and shrieked with excitement.  They fed the horses carrots and we all had lunch together.  It was so nice to see my uncle again.  They live the simple life, one I would love...just a huge piece of land to explore.  So peaceful and calm.  They tap over a thousand maple trees and they built their barn all on their own.  They have so much money, but you would never know it.  It smells like manure and hay... I love it!!  Ok, not so much the manure, and my nose is itchy, but still....I could probably get used to it! 

I haven't really been writing much.  I've been writing more in my paper journal.  It's not that I don't feel comfortable writing online, there's just certain feelings that I have to keep private.  I have very low moments where I feel lost in my own world, and then I'm fine.  I truly need to figure out if I need to stop being "fine" and deal with matters of my heart.  I have a very hard time looking at those pieces of me.  I put them away in a locked up box so that I can be who I'm supposed to be.  Then, am I really just wasting my time being something, someone that I'm not?  Oh, I did not mean to get into this.  It runs deeper, but I just can't go there.  I've been "fine" for many, many years.  I can be "fine" for many more.... And honest to God, when I look at the pain that others are feeling, I am downright disgusted with my selfish thoughts.  The courage to know the difference.  That's what I pray for.  And the understanding of why I am the way I am. 

But for now, I'm having a good day.  The sun is shining.  It's spitting snow on and off.  The girls are laughing together, playing ball in the yard.  We are healthy.  We have so much to be thankful for.  I will focus on that.  ;o)





cherry2sweet2eat said...

Beautiful pictures i would love to be there and i havent been here in a while cuz i was sick hope to see more posts from you soon :)

thegirlnexdoor77 said...

Thanks for sharing.  i too have a paper journal.  Alot of things just am not wanting to share.  Glad you enjoyed your visit with your uncle.  Takecare.  TerryAnn.

gdireneoe said...

LOVE the honesty in this hon'...introspection is good for the soul.  I have a hardcopy journal too...I understand. ;)  C.

siennastarr said...

It's okay to get down about things once in a while.. we all do it.  What's admirable is that you realize the good that is in your life also, and take time to appreciate it.
Hope you get to feeling more "up"..  

Lovely pictures.  They look like they belong on a postcard! :)


cdittric77 said...

As much as you might not want to hear this, I say deal with those issues - part of our mission in life is to carry the crosses we given. When we leave those crosses on the ground we are not fulfilling our calling.

I know it is hard, but as much as I struggle now with my depression, etc., my life is worth more now - it is more genuine than it has been in years.

You can do it!