It's been a great week off, for the most part. Of course, there were the usual issues between the girls, but it seems that they have been tolerating each other more. I've been threatening to get a second job, including working during the summer, if they don't let up. They really need to understand how lucky they are that I have the kind of career that pays little but has priceless benefits. They are so wrapped up in the fact that dad is never around that they take it out on me. And each other. Regrettably, I suppose I often take my inner "stuff" out on them as well, when my patience is worn thin and they are pushing button after button. We're in this together... it's time to realize this and be happy that we have each other.
We went back to church today after a couple weeks of absence. It happened to work out today that the basketball tournament ended with a game at 8:00am so we were able to make it. Congrats go to my Amanda, who's team won the championship after a difficult season. She was ecstatic! It was wonderful to go to church without the cranky pants! Our minister did a beautiful sermon about the light within. I won't go on and on about it. It was just so nice to see how he really included the children, leading them around the sanctuary holding an unlit candle, looking for the space with the most light... the kids loved it. He had one of them stamp their light up sneaker. Then of course he lit the candle and explained about the light within, the light of Jesus...the light they feel when they come to church, or when the sun shines just right on our newly fallen snow.
My nana is nearing the end of her battle with Alzheimer's disease. Anyone who knows anything about this horrific disease, knows it ends terribly. My mom is so distraught, of course. It seems as though it may end tomorrow, and yet it could be like this for years. In her own place, curled up like a baby doll, lifeless and empty. She can not speak other than to say your name. The doctors/nurses are amazed by this. She does not speak until someone from the family is in the room. She says hello, speaks the persons name, and then is gone again. As if to say, I know you are here, so don't say anything you don't want me to hear! She's a snipity old lady with a mighty sharp tongue! Well, she was anyway. Everyone knew that. It's so incredible that she still knows us. I love her so much, and I'm already missing the nana I knew...
We are getting ready to go visit my parents for my dad's 61st birthday. I have so much more I want to write about. There never seems to be enough time. I've been lazy about writing lately, choosing to keep much in my mind. I hope you understand...I'm feeling quiet lately, and I'm not sure that it's a good quiet. I have to stop and concentrate on that light. It's there. I'm well aware that it is...I have to make a concious effort to see it, and feel it. What PI$$es me off is that I don't know why. It reminds me of that Pink Floyd song that I loved SO much as a teenager...Comfortably Numb. Anyone familiar with that one? Yeah, you know. It makes me want to SCREAM! I'm hopeful that this feeling will pass. I thought it had yesterday, but this afternoon it seems to be creeping in again. I hate being negative! I want to live life to the FULLEST! ERRR!!! Perhaps it's my Thyroid condition. I haven't been keeping up with the meds good this week. Being out of school completely throws off my schedule. You KNOW how I get when that happens!!
Well, off we go...we have to pick up the ice cream cake. Maybe THAT will sweeten me up a bit! I'm HOPING!!