Saturday, January 5, 2008

Where, How and Why I've been...

I would like to tell you I've been away on holiday, traveling the world and such, sipping Pina Coladas on sandy beaches and taking moonlit walks with some dark, handsome stranger....


I have, in fact, been away in a sense.  Not physically, of course.  I've got all I can do to go to the local grocery store for milk. 

I tend to withdraw and become introverted when I'm not feeling well.  I won't make that phone call, accept invitation or open myself up to others ~ all the while knowing that so many people around me DO care and want to see me smile.  It's frustrating ~ for them and for me. 

Even now, as I write, I find myself questioning what my point is here...  I've decided to write, and yet I'm not really allowing myself to show up.  Everything I do lately seems to take baby steps.  So I suppose this is part of the process of returning from where I've been.

I HAVE been feeling better the last couple days.  I've been staying busy:  Back to work after almost two weeks off (what a push THAT took!), the girls basketball games have begun and I am finding myself here, there and everywhere trying to keep up, loving it all the while.  I've been reading a very good Jodi Picoult book, "Picture Perfect".  One that I put down some time ago when I became engrossed in Anita Shreve's "Light on Snow".  I've also been doing some watercolor painting.  I hope to be finished with something soon, so that I might share it here.  One thing about watercolors...  You can fix things... I become completely consumed with trying to make something just right.  I'll be lucky if I finish something by Spring ::sighing at Spring thoughts:: .  How ironic, to use a medium that so thoroughly reflects my approach to how I live my life lately.

Why I've been away... Now that's a loaded question.  One that deserves a straight and honest answer.  If I had one, I'd be sure to give it.  If I figure it out, I'll letcha know.

I shall return....  Momentarily, as a matter of fact.  I've received notification of a new "Photo Community" in the neighborhood that I just might quietly slip into... 






lindapaterson177 said...

I understand what you mean when you say you have been away but don`t quite know where, it`s hard when you feel like that and I hope you can find your way yback to where and how you want to be, take care luv bella x

dklars said...

Happy New Year to you, too.  I think it's quite natural to withdraw - it might be what keeps some of us sane!  ~~Kath~~

stupidsheetguy said...

When we're working on achieving our goals and dreams, no one promises that we're going to have an easy go of it. A lot of what we want to accomplish requires hard work and a solo effort, but there are times when things need to be sorted out. It's those times that we learn to rely on the support of friends and family to bolster us up and along.
I think it's good that you share what you know, even if you don't have a firm handle on what it is that's troubling you. Sometimes, just knowing that there are people who care for you can make a difference, if even for just a moment.
I hope that whatever it is that's troubling you has found somewhere else to be now, and you can get back to living your life the way I know you want to. But if it hasn't, remember your friends are always here for you. That's more than just words.


queeniemart said...

when you read any Anita Shreve book does your heart hurt? Do you have to put the book down and weep as you read it? I have a friend who told me she is trouble for me....her books hit me hard and i sometimes cry thru the whole book...but i will keep on reading.
I understand why you write these are depressed...oh Chelle, if i was face to face with you i would tell you in no uncertain words how BEAUTIFUL, LOVED, AWESOME AND WONDERFUL you are....i value you so much and i care so very much for you...i am praying you find peace....maybe if you write more you will feel better....if there is anything i can do, i will do it. You are so valued.
xo lj

sunflowerkat321 said...

I find equating the way you live your life to watercolor a very interesting metaphor.  There are so many ways that could be interpretted.

I believe I resonate with how you're feeling though.  There are times we just need to shelter ourselves.  And then, it's hard to know how to reenter life.

Be kind with yourself and take your time.  I'm glad you're painting.  I believe that using a very personal outlet is helpful.


frankandmary said...

First of all, EVERYTHING Jimmy just wrote LOL. He is good at this. I had a friend tell me once she was so depressed she couldn't "show up." But you did, you showed up here, & it matters & I think it does help.
You wrote me a very touching email not long ago. It helped me.  You were not "showing up" for you, but you did for me. ~Mary

bobbysgirl8584 said...

Happy New Year to you and your girls. I know the holidays are always such a roller coaster time with emotions and stuff: I hope they days get better for you .Each and every day will be better; one day at a time.

chat2missie said...

Hoping 2008 is a great year for you!

nhd106 said...

I sometimes get caught up in how beautifully you write that I have to read your entries at least twice to focus on the feelings.    You sure are a pensive one...and quite a beautiful soul.  
You'll be ok, my friend.   Maybe sometime, give "reaching out" a try.  Get your feet wet.   I'll be here with a little towel.


geminiwilder said...

Chelle, I understand. I'm glad you took the baby steps & wrote here.
Keep it up, look at all the support you've got!!
I look forward to reading more, and when I've got any helpful advice,
I'll give it!!   Hugs!!  ~Phinney

siennastarr said...

I sure do understand that feeling you are having right now, as I'm experiencing it too.  No one seems to notice when I'm gone for awhile, so I don't suppose it matters much whether I return or not.. lol  

I was glad to see an alert from you, Chelle, and I do hope that you get to feeling better about life and stuff.  Painting is probably such a good outlet!  Wish I were that talented!

Hugs and love

lanurseprn said...

You have described what I have felt in my life. I know it's awful. I wish I could say something to make you feel better.
Take things easy, and be kind to yourself.

ukgal36 said...

I wish you all the best for 2008

tendernoggle said...

I think alot of us are alot like yourself...I hope by now that you are feeling more yourself, more uplifted...and knowing how much you are loved.
God Bless You,
love ya,