Sunday, March 2, 2008

Simply Musing...

It feels like ages since I've actually written here...  In fact, I've played with the idea of making this a "photo" journal, rather than a written one.  The only problem with that, is that I have almost three years of my life invested within these pages, and it feels almost like a betrayal of sorts ~ to myself and even to my heart, perhaps ~ not to continue sharing my thoughts, experiences and personal reflections. 

I also feel like I'm betraying others in some small way, by not commenting or even reading as much as I should.  I haven't been myself lately.  Strike that ~ I haven't been myself in quite a long time for a multitude of reasons.  Then again, maybe I've been more myself than I have ever been....  I don't know, really.  And I hate not knowing. 

So much continues to weigh on my mind.  Issues at home, issues with my parents, issues at work....  Mistakes within friendships, confusion in relationships...  Indecision and procrastination. 

And yet, there's always so much more, so much goodness, that I recognize in hindsight.  I'm reminded of it, in the warmth of my children's smiles and in the sunlight that plays upon their faces as they themselves, play in the sun.  In the icicles that chime naturally, as they dangle from the tree outside my window.  In the soft affections of my cat as she snuggles in close beside me.....  In the understanding that there is so much more to give thanks for than to struggle with. 

Late yesterday afternoon, we had one of those incredible snowfalls that I look forward to and enjoy no matter how late in the season.  When the tiny, intricately designed flakes of snow clump together to create a startling performance in midair.  It was the element of surprise that tickled my senses ~ that, and the fresh angel kisses that settled cool against my skin, as I stood with my head tilted upward and my mouth opened wide!  I always make sure and pause to give thanks, when such a miraclulous event occurs.

  And those little miracles happen all around us, each and every day.  How dare I ~ how dare WE ~ allow ourselves not to see and to feel and to know? 

Unfortunately, it's quite easy, isn't it?  We get so caught up in the here and now, and in the fear of things to come that we forget to hold on to Hope.  Perspective can be lost ~ and sometimes that's okay.  But ultimately, it's what keeps us from coming undone. 

I may in fact, create a "photo" journal...  Or something creatively similar.  I may not...  I guess time will tell.  I am who I am.  All of me fits into these pages just fine. 

I can say one thing for sure...  I feel better now, for writing.  For finding an outlet through my fingertips so that my mind could rest a while.  Even if for a moment... 

Peace,

Chelle

17 comments:

nhd106 said...

I'm so glad you wrote.   First of all, you write so beautifully...more so that I can say.  Second of all, it's good for you.   And finally, I relate so deeply to many of your sentiments and it's helpful to me to read and share along with you.
Love,
Nancy

specialadyfink said...

I second what Nancy said!!!
connie

lifes2odd said...

Beautiful entry Michelle. You have a wonderful attitude. We are all so much better off when we concentrate on the positive, the things we are grateful for and all the little things in life. Lots of times our attitude can make all the difference in the word. It might not make the difficult things go away but sure does make them easier to deal with. Wishing you peace, love and happiness. Hugs, Martha :-)

pamal3 said...

What a beautiful entry. I could feel myself standing beside you looking up at the snow falling too. Hope Is my best friend. Love Pam xx
http://journals.aol.co.uk/pamal3/almost-40/

mariebm56 said...

I love reading your entries..& I love seeing you display your photos & art...why can't you just do both here....Ü  I wouldn't change a thing, it just confuses people.  Take it from me, I have people going around in circles with all my journals.  We girls can follow directions, but you know the guys, they just can't handle it...Ü
{{HUGS}}
Marie

queeniemart said...

what you wrote with this entry is poetry. You have a gift...do you see that? You write with a tenderness and warmth.....of course, i believe you are filled up with tenderness and warmth too. I hope you never leave this journal because you are truly so important to me. I do not always find hope nor happiness in nature or day to day things because the negatives in my life overwhelm me. I am so glad you are able to experience it and love it.
Love you
lj

radar446 said...

Wherever you decide to go with this journal, or any other...you will have readers, and I will be among them.  I can tell that you have a lot going on in pretty much all aspects of your life right now, and it is good that you are dedicating your time to dealing with those things.  Don't ever let the journal be a source of any added stress to you, but instead use it as an outlet as you have been.  Let it work for you, not the other way around.

Greg

chat2missie said...

Whether you decide to write or use as a photo journal, I'll continue to come and visit.
Missie

mleighin21st said...

I hope that if you decide to turn this into a photo journal that you'll create one for writing.  I enjoy coming and peeking into your life and thoughts through your words.
                                                Smiles,  Leigh

helmswondermom said...

We'd certainly enjoy a photo journal from you, but we enjoy hearing about YOU too.  I liked this post.  You made a good point for taking each day as it comes and enjoying the simple things in each and every day.  I hope you have a wonderful week!
Lori

thinkinglizard said...

Michelle,

Do as you are moved to do in your positive way.  Enjoyed your recent video.

During the night and early this morning it snowed here in Springfield, MO.

If you wish to read it and--if you like it--reproduce it (along with a photo
perhaps) on your site, on my site are the lyrics for a song about snow:
"Young Child's Song".   [ sw00828sl ]

Brian

http://journals.aol.com/thinkinglizard/sh/

rdautumnsage said...

I should have made a point to stop in and read this earlier today, it would of definitely have soothed my soul....((Hugs)) I missed your words dear friend, you...I'll take you in any form I can get you, in words, pictures, little notes here and there. Sigh! I'm not sure what I'm doing with my own journal lately......I may up and leave it, go somewhere else. I do know I'll never leave you dear friend, we'll always be able to find one another amidst our lives. I treasure you, I hope you know that. (Hugs) Indigo

siennastarr said...

Always such peace when I come here and read your words, Chelle..   I, too, am going through something.. don't know what, but just haven't felt like myself lately, either.  Haven't felt much like journaling, and even leaving comments seems to be so much work.  I love reading everyone's journals, but that is all I feel like doing, most of the time.  Reading.  Then moving on to the next.

Ho hum... I suppose I will work my way out of this gloomy feeling soon.. it's just so not me.... or...maybe it is..

Hugs
Jackie

gdireneoe said...

(((((((((('Chelle))))))))))))  Wish I could give you hugs, girlie.  I'm coming out of where you are now.  I have really BIG ears. ;)  C.

elainey2465 said...

Awwww I have felt the same way about journals  - I know exactly what you mean. Laine xxx
http://journals.aol.co.uk/elainey2465/laines-world/

stupidsheetguy said...

Hi there,
I hope you're doing better. It's been a while since I have been by journals, and wanted to say hello.

Jimmy

dbdacoba said...

Your photos are excellent but by all means keep writing, it's what keeps the flow of life going.  And, by the way, if you aren't yourself, who are you?

                                                                    Vagabond