Saturday, August 9, 2008

Open Up and Say, "Ahhhh...."

There simply aren't words to express my appreciation and gratitude for the many gifts in my life.  Gifts which include friends both near and far, who are there for me and offer words of support and a shoulder to lean (or cry) on when times are (or seem) tough.  I know that my previous post gave at least one or two of you reason to question our closeness and/or your place in my heart, and for that I deeply apologize.  It was never my intention to place blame or hurt on anyone, but to simply share a moment of disorderly thinking and internal suffocation that I happened to have awakened upon without warning.

I value each and every person who has touched and continues to touch my life, as well as savor the memories of those who have come and gone.  While I never wish anyone to feel as if they are alone in the world even for a moment, it was also somewhat calming to read comments that were left by those who could relate to how I was feeling in some way.  Yes, we all have those days, when we have to carry ourselves through with a smile ~ no matter how we may be feeling on the inside.  Let's face it, we all feel just a little empty sometimes.  Even when we know ~ if we really take a moment and think ~ that each and every one of us is blessed in ways we forget to be thankful for, when faced with even the smallest of circumstantial difficulty. 

A reader and friend (who deserves a tight hug) emailed me and offered the idea that perhaps if I opened myself up to others a little more, I might find acceptance and understanding where I least expect it ~ particularly by those who truly count.  It reminded me of the saying (and Maria, this one's for you): "those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter".  There are many facets to my personality.  Many unresolved issues, complications and contradictions in my life.  Those of you who have followed my journal and have come to know me through my words KNOW how moody and puzzled I can be at times.  One dear friend even went so far as to call me "mysterious" and is probably still wondering where I've been hiding myself. 

I still feel that writing is a very therapeutic and cleansing way to express oneself, and we all have different reasons and ways of doing it.  I judge NO ONE, for what they write, how they write or why.  And how lucky am I, to have such thoughtful and supportive people along for the ride, to share my own personal and sometimes cloudy journey through life with?  Extremely. 

Thank you.


(coming soon:  Job, family, Bell's, creative muse and LIFE update, while I work on that opening myself up thing... ::smiles::)



dbdacoba said...

Dear M

My hand is always out there to be held, if you wish.


nanmm11 said...

When it makes you feel good, it just can't be wrong!

geminiwilder said...

trying to count all my blessings today, even the tiniest ones...

looking forward to your upcoming posts. i'd like to know more about this
mysterious michelle. :) and you know that other hang-out - you know the place, i've seen you there sometimes- it's always open.  It hasn't  been visited nearly enough.  

xo xo phin

siennastarr said...

I think I've closed myself off alot in the past couple of years.  Ever since Dan died, I have just not been the same.  I find it harder to write, and worse than that, I don't even have a desire to put pen to paper, or fingers to keys (as you will).  My heart is always there for others, and I pray for all that I read here in Jland, and I miss them when they don't write or leave Jland for whatever reason.  I just feel stagnate.
But.. I am ever grateful for all that God has blessed me with.  I try very hard to never forget that.

I love your writings, Chelle.. and I hope you are able to open up and vent more of how your feeling.  There are so many of us here, who truly care about you and your lovely girls..

Hugs and much love

queeniemart said...

there are lots of people in J Land who are fake. They say one thing to a person but do not really feel that way. They say what you want to hear. There are those who copy and paste and make fun of those who are just trying to get thru one more day. There are trolls, liars, crazies, lonely, pathetic lost souls.
A few will connect and CARE and UNDERSTAND and have empathy, sympathy, love, friendship and compasson between each other.
It is scary to open up. That is why you will go to read my garbage and it is deleted. Most do not really understand. Most do not really care. Most do not really want to hear what is TRULY in a soul. They want pretty pics, happy times shared, and to know where you went and what you did and what you bought and where is a good place to buy stuff at.

I may sound bitter but i am not. I just know people.
YOU on the other hand  are the real deal and you have a kind soul and a gentle spirit and i am one that would LOVE to know you better. But i understand so well how hard it is to open up to anyone. Trust is hard to give and even harder to find out it has been abused.
I truly love ya, friend.

radar446 said...

I think that writing is a wonderful outlet for your feelings, and since they are your feelings, you have a right to express them however you see fit.


flossiepumpkin said...


lifes2odd said...

I completely understand where you're coming from. Don't forget there's a special little place to go too when you want to. Martha :-)

porchswingpoet said...

...often i have been called elusive... perhaps it's just because we internalize more, and where are hearts upon on our in order to protect that most fragile part of us we sometimes linger in the quiet...

dbdacoba said...

Dear M, I hope this means we (I) will be reading you again for a while.  You are missed.  And there has been a silent spot in the world while you have been away.

Love       D