Saturday, April 8, 2006

The Tuesday Two

The Tuesday Two   (Found in COURAGE.... (again!)

THIS WEEK'S TOPIC: OVER-INDULGING

QUESTION A:
When you over-indulge, what do you most often enjoy too much of? How hard have you tried to avoid over-indulging in this particular thing?

or

QUESTION B:
Consider something that you have over-indulged in before: How do you define what your limits are, and more importantly, how do you make sure you don't cross them?

Choose A or B, (indicate which question you're answering!) then either answer the question in a comment or answer it in your journal and include the link in a comment. (To be considered "first to play," a link must be to the specific entry in which you answered the question.)

Remember:choose one or the other...not both!



Alright...first of all, I want to explain that this is not an easy entry for me.  It's going to be a bit telling and quite embarrassing.  I am choosing to answer # 1. 

I have an over indulgence.  It's not drugs or alcohol.  It isn't anything that impairs my ability to function normally, at least not so apparently as, say, someone who drinks heavily.  Alcoholism DOES run in my family, quite rampantly, in fact, so perhaps this is my way of steering clear of that.  Another excuse, I suppose, just like anyone struggling with an addiction.  It's an often misunderstood addiction.  Many people, my family included, find it very hard to accept that someone could be addicted to food.  "Just don't buy the junk." I hear often.  Well, that's like telling an alcoholic to stay out of the liqour store.  I can not explain it, and won't even attempt to... it sounds ridiculous even to me.  I just can't use this public space to lay it open for you all.  I feel so weak and utterly stupid, quite frankly. 

This over indulgence doesn't happen all the time, but I will say, I struggle with it every day.  The first thing I want to do upon arriving home from work is eat.  Shortly after that, I want to eat again.  And again.  Then we have dinner, and I over eat then as well.  I snack throughout the evening, especially if we have been busy going back and forth to practices, school events, etc.  I eat when I feel stressed, lonely and bored.  It feels good.  Then, like an alcoholic with a hangover, I feel disgusting and blaaahhh.  This is called emotional or compulsive eating.  It's not very different from any other addiction, and it is destructive.  It of course causes obesity, fatigue, joint pain, diabetes, heart attacks...and not to mention what it does to ones figure. 

So, one might want to yell at me.  "CONTROL YOURSELF!!!"  One might say. 

Well, I have good days and bad...I know what I should do, not only for myself, but also my beautiful girls whom I wish NOT to pass this addiction on to.  I'm trying to focus on the lifestyle changes needed to move on with my "recovery".  Firstly, I have to find the reason for the over indulging of food.  I have to "fill" that empty space in my heart with something that can compete with the food that I want to put there.  I need to get moving.  Starting Tuesday, I will be walking with a friend 2-3 times a week.  Heck, I may even start tomorrow!  I hope I'm finally ready this time.  I'vebeen struggling with this for about 25 years!  Way too long. 

Anyway, this is my answer to this question...play along as well! 

If you dare!! 

          

4 comments:

gdireneoe said...

Hey chica, don't beat yourself up.  It sounds as though you may have a true chemical addiction to carbs.  My sister-in-law does.  She was obese for most of her life...she is an easy size 9/10 now...has been for nearly ten years.  She discovered that she had a true problem with carbs...consider it.  I'm not talking the Adkins craze either. ;)  C.  http://journals.aol.com/gdireneoe/thedailies

bobbysgirl8584 said...

I feel your pain Michelle: this is my life in a nutshell as well.  I have gotten better ;I exercise every day and try to watch what I eat but I still have days that I am out of control.  On those days I am planning what I will eat next before I am even done with the food I am eating at that moment. Everyday is a struggle: I wish there was an easy answer. there must be somewhere. But just remember that even if you have a bad day...you can start all over again the next day.  And the walking will help: when I joined the gym last year I found the daily exercise helped contol it somewhat. Good Luck!!!
Maria

cdittric77 said...

This is a very forthright and honest entry, and I am a better person for having read your words. Thank you for sharing deeply and openly.

You ROCK,
Charley
http://journals.aol.com/cdittric77/courage

siennastarr said...

Michelle..

Bless your heart!  I admire you so much for opening up about this particular addiction, although I doubt seriously you are alone.  I, at times, have the same problem.  When I'm feeling particularly depressed or down... I eat..   It brings me comfort.  But, I also eat, just to eat, because I love food!  Fortunately for me, I don't have a weight problem, but that could change at any time.  

{{{Michelle}}}