The Pictures I posted today are 1.) The Sky (of course), and 2.) My daughter looking at her reflection in the puddle by our pool. I have to admit, I asked her to lie down and look in the puddle because I thought it would make a good picture, and I think it really does....
The sky...how amazing is that? When the sun's rays shine through the clouds like that it gives me a warm, comforting feeling. I've been told, in the past, that this feeling is the Holy Ghost. That whenever you feel this... whether it's during prayer, great joy, great sorrow, or just whenever. I know it feels wonderful.
I have had so many questions through the years about religion. About God. I take my children to church throughout the church school year. They are involved in Choir and bells. Yet, we don't go all summer long...just because there is no church school. When my older daughter was about 3, I wanted to start going to church again. At THAT time, I felt that children should stay in worship with their families...then, I finally figured out that that was not an option. They don't understand what's being said on an adult level like that. They get much more from the curriculum which is age appropriate...I know this because I alternate teaching their classes every year. And yet, there's these questions...I have questions! And DOUBTS! I'm ashamed to admit it! Does this mean I am without faith? Damn. I'm really upset about this. I have always told kids in class that having doubts is all a part of the journey. Honestly? I can only hope this is true.
I recently found out that we will be finally getting a new minister soon. Our beloved Peter retired two years ago. We have had an intrim minister ever since that, well, another shameful thing, I haven't loved quite as much. Ahem. Lots of prayers about this, yes. If someone preaches one thing and they don't live by their words, it's very hard for me to sit and listen to them. Sorry. I'm just not into hypocrisy. All these strikes against me...
I suppose some of you are wondering why I even go to church. I know my husband is...well, it's that warm feeling I get when I look at the sky again. It's praying in the sanctuary where I was baptized with so many other families that are also there for the right reasons. It's that feeling of, ok, I know I have questions and doubts, but You forgive me, Lord. Don't you? That no matter that millions of people out there believe with all their heart and soul something different from the next person. It's ok. Whatever reasons these doubts cloud my mind...the sun's rays will shine through and warm me every single day of my life, regardless.
"There's some things I know to be true Snow is white, and the ocean is blue Rain is wet when it falls from the sky And the stars come out every night And just as sure as the sun will rise This love is real, you see in my eyes Plant a seed and it will grow There's some things I know...."