Monday, April 4, 2005

Feeling blessed

For a while now, I've been wanting to change my little cynical "All About Me" section in my journal.  Everytime I ventured in to add an entry, I would read that and think- gosh, that really sounds negitive.  I'm not an unhappy person....(I did finally change it, before it said I was generally happy unless I think too much).  I have my moments, as I'm sure we all do.  I sometimes sit in this tiny condo feeling self pity because I know we will probably never own a home, my husband works 11 hours a day and never sees our children, I'm tired, stressed, you name it.  Then, I take a good LOOONNGG hard look at what I have and I am deeply ashamed of myself.  Everywhere throughout the world, there is true sorrow and pain.  People lose loved ones, either through death or through a horrible accident or illness that leaves them an almost empty shell with a soul attached.  Homes are destroyed.  Or there are million dollar homes that are full of unhappiness because there is no love, or worse, abuse.  I have two absolutely beautiful, bright and talented daughters.  I have a husband who is devoted to us.  He may not be here physically as much as we would like him to be, and he might not be as emotionally there as I would like him to be, but he loves us and takes care of us.  Always bringing home extras before we even need them and taking us on fun vacations every year.  He never puts me down or disrespects me.  Sometimes It just seems like we are so distant - like we don't have much to say anymore.  We never really had a whole lot to say.  It could be for many reasons.  My husband is from a different country, has a different culture background and speaks a different language fluently.  But I do love him. 

We have a small, yet comfortable home.  It's been our home for 7 years.  It's the only home our kids have ever really known.  They like it here....We have a POOL!

We have had our share of heartbreak and sadness.  We have our everyday stresses.  But damn!  Life IS really good.  I will try not to take it for granted.  I pray every night and say my thank yous.  I hope I will remember to just breathe when I need to.  To close my eyes and let those negitive feelings out.  And when it really feels bad, I hand it all to Him.   Good night everyone....and SMILE.


hillareeday said...

At times it does seem the grass is always greener on the other side doesn't it? And you are right, more money doesn't always equal more happiness. It can make life easier..... or more complicated. Just a whole different set of problems comes with that territory.
That's not to say you shouldn't set your standards high, but always appreciate what you do have. You do that well. I don't think your all about me section seems at all negative.
Have a great day!

jbenjack said...

It is easy to think about what we don't have but I think your entry tonight did a really good job of appreciating what you do have! We all need to do that once in a while! Thanks

anarchitek said...

Just appreciating what you do have is a triumph.  So many have more and are not satisfied.  It is the dark side of humanity, that we take for granted what we have and long for more, as if that would make us happier--it doesn't.  Great entry.  Bruce  

justaname4me2 said...

This is a great entry. I've had my share of cynical, discouraged and well, you've read my journal, you know where I've been. There are worse things, but I've also learned not to downplay whats happening in the walls of my home. It sounds like you have wonderful children, a husband that works hard to provide for his family and a swimming pool isn't a bad extra :o) Find the little things that add the little extra punch to your life and may you hurry up and win the lottery so you can buy a million dollar home full of love.