Friday, February 1, 2008

Sometimes I feel I've lost the ability to compose a single sentence.  Do you ever feel that way? As if you've got so much inside you, swirling around like the painted lines of a funhouse tunnel, longing for escape with no end in sight?

I have been feeling this way for days.  Weeks, really...  But I've been making an attempt at least.  I have all but given up on even trying to comment in the journals that I have read and commented in religiously for years, because I just sit there...  Blank stare.  Drift away....  Continued stare.  Then frustration:  What is wrong with me?

Well, nothing really.  At least nothing that I care to write about  here, because I probably couldn't come up with the words if I tried! 

Someone said something really nice to me the other day, with regards to my journal.  They called me a name, actually.  One that I had never been called before (and I've been called many things, believe me) and most likely never will again.  It was an honorable name that I feel unworthy of accepting, however thankful I was (and am) for the compliment.  I was told that I am a 'Kalligeneia', meaning 'bearer of a fair offspring or of beauteous things.'  Is that not the most beautiful word?  Just saying it, feeling it roll off my tongue, is an enjoyable experience in itself!  I will admit, my daughters are quite beautiful in every way, but like I said, this person was speaking in terms of my journal.  I was touched, really, that someone would think so highly of me.  For a moment, I was inspired and full of creative thoughts and energy.... 

And that lasted about as long as this entry will.

I promise I'll be around...  That is, in case you're wondering.  I'm looking forward to judging the next Beginners Photo Challenge  and I'm hoping to go on a shoot next Sunday in Rockport, MA. to photograph ocean landscape.  Long, cold, but hopefully worth the trip, and hopefully to return home feeling refreshed and renewed and ready to come callin'.

Have a safe (did I mention the blizzard we're having??) and relaxing weekend!



radar446 said...

I think I know what you are talking about when you say you feel you lost the ability to compose a single sentence.  I've been there off and on for several months lately.  I think that for the most part it is because I am tired.  I find myself reading journal entries and wanting to comment, but just stare at the Comment field until I just close it out and move on.


lifes2odd said...

You keep forgetting about "the other journal" -- you know why it was created! Come on over and try to get it all out!
I'm looking forward to judging with you this time around on the AOL challenge.
Martha :-)

sunflowerkat321 said...

I have floated in and out of that state of being unable to express myself for months now.  That's why my entries are so erratic.  The condition has imposed itself on my creative self as well.  I don't know if it's the stress of coping with change, or just the demands on my life right now.  Either way, I know that it's not a good space to be in.  It feels lethargic.

I've never heard that word...Kalligeneia!  It's a beauty!

peytonswater said...

Sometimes there are just no words, only beautiful pictures!

geminiwilder said...

Chelle, you are SO not alone. I've had this lost feeling for months now. And it keeps getting worse. I have a good day here & there, but for the most part, I'm really disappointed in myself! It makes it even harder when you beat yourself up about it! Let's both go over to our journal and try hard to write today, ok??  And something I do when I really can't compose a sentence - write rosie style. Just write the words, they will start to come out!  Love you !   ~Phinney

queeniemart said...

BE SAFE in that blizzard.
Do you know WHY you feel as you do when it comes to writing? Is it because you feel fear....because you are scared....or what are you worried about.....if you can identify what it is that concerns you, it may help you want or need to write more. I have been where you are....i would love to read anything you have to say.....sad, mad, happy, funny, anything. YOU are one in a million, Chelle...your heart is golden...and i trust you and care so much for you. We'll all be here when you can comment. Until then, i am here if you need me.

stupidsheetguy said...

We all have to remember that even the greatest writers in history ran into writer's block or "inspiration-deficiency" now and then, right? Sometimes the spirit just isn't there, and you have to just let it lie a little. The muse will return, I'm sure.

Life has so many aspects to it, and sometimes our attention has to be focused elsewhere. No matter what the case, I'm sure that you'll find reason to write again. Just know that you're not forgotten :)

gdireneoe said...

(((('Chelle))))  Be safe...and you ARE. ;)  C.

ma24179 said...

Hope you have a wonderful weekend and you do have a lovely journal!-Missy

lanurseprn said...

I would have to say that the description of your journal is very accurate! Yes..a perfect word!
I hope you have a good weekend and stay warm and safe.
Hugs..Pam xoxox

kirkbyj05 said...

I'm journeying through the same place as you at the moment.  Sometimes the words wont come and its hard to put your thoughts into proper written words that will do justice to how you feel at any given moment in time.  Sometimes they are not for others to read either.  You sound a sensitive woman to me.  Just step away if you have to, and give yourself time to think about whatever is going around your head.
Not everything needs to be shared and sometimes nurturing yourself bears fruit later on.  Just as in nature.  
The words will come when you are ready.
This long winter hasn't helped matters either.
Enjoy your break in Rockport.  The sea is bound to inspire you and fill up that feel good space.
We will all be here for whenever you do worry.
Jeanie xxx

frankandmary said...

I find most people either feel TOO worthy, or unworthy. Nice if we could strike a balance.  You are definitely worthy of that word, but hard to see it in yourself, because you aren't "that way." I'll bet if someone else wrote these journal entries, you'd see them as worthy of the word.
You've written me some emails with such compassion & care. I wish you'd use some of that on yourself. ~Mary

chat2missie said...

I feel just like you alot!  So many thoughts running thru my brain it makes it hard to write.  You're not alone!  Have a good Sunday, hope the snow has ended.

rdautumnsage said...

What a beautiful word....If I had heard that word describing you I would definitely feel it's a nice fit for you....Whatever you say, however you say it dear one your compassion and spirit come through. It's not the context of the words themselves , rather the thought, the knowledge of the person behind them and what she means to us. I believe my world is filled with quite a bit more beauty just be knowing you and having you in it.....As Mary said allow yourself to feel about you, what we all already do. (Hugs) Indigo

helmswondermom said...

That's a new word to me, and I like it.  
I hate when that happens to me -- just sitting here staring at the screen, not knowing how to even compose a simple comment.