Friday, August 10, 2007

Under My Skin..

Ahhh... To be strolling along the ocean shore right about NOW.....

So the last week and a half has been challenging at times.  Dealing with this Bell's Palsy crap on top of all the other stresses in my life that probably LEAD to the disorder to begin with (unless you ask my acupuncturist, who insists the WIND is the culprit!) just wasn't how I envisioned my summer coming to a close.  I won't get into sharing all the worries and the fears and the tears that overcame me in my weaker moments.  I'll move on with the latest news and choose to keep this particular outlook for as long as possible!

There is no change in the paralysis.  Although each day, I do feel something a little different and even that varies...  Whether it's my ability to relax my face when I am still, or eat without biting my lip off.  The "bum" side feels bruised in some areas, and I would almost contribute this to the acupuncture treatments (which I LOVE btw...), but won't due to the fact that my "good" side is fine minus the black eye (not uncommon or unwelcome, WHATEVER WORKS!!)  I am still unable to smile, blink or twitch even the slightest.  It's very frustrating at times, to stare into the mirror and put all possible concentration into making those muscles move... and nothing happens. 

TODAY, the change that I have felt is something I am told is a good thing.  I feel like bugs are crawling under my skin.  Yeah.  That's right.  Every few minutes it's as if a million little creepy crawlies are invading my otherwise unmoving face!  This, I was told, is a sign that things are moving around from going under the needles...  That it's doing its thing and helping in some way.  That's all I needed to know.  Bugs or no bugs ~ I wanna spit out my toothpaste like a normal person!  I'm also finding speech a little easier ~ a little less tiring perhaps.  Just getting used to it, I guess.

My Doctor also called me today, which was very encouraging because she basically said at my appt. last week that there's nothing really to do but wait and see.  She said that after we met, she had done some research of a past case she had a few years ago, where the woman used electrical stimulation of the nerves (::winking at Nance::) along with physical therapy of the facial muscles.  She is going to call and refer me to a specialist in Neurology at Dartmouth Hitchcock Memorial and hopefully squeeze me in as early as next week.  My insurance will cover this, unlike the acupuncture which I have had to borrow money to pay for.

Last night, I went to a get together with some friends from work.  It was EXACTLY what I needed right now.  Reassurances that I am okay, that I will continue to be okay and that I am cared for by so many.  We laughed and joked until my face hurt and then ate a lot and drank wine as we watched Catch and Release.  After having dreaded going back to work like this, I am actually looking very forward to it now.  I'm looking forward to the warmth and the love that I receive as I walk through those doors each day.  These kids know me.  I will use this as a learning tool...  Life throws curves sometimes.  Sometimes you hit, and sometimes you miss.  This is so minor, so manageable in comparison to the pain and struggles so many others deal with each day.  How dare I look to the stars and complain, when I am so incredibly blessed in so many countless and wonderful ways?

May your blessings be many and your troubles few...  Today and always.

(thank you Donna, for the tag!)



tendernoggle said...

I believe that those creepy crawly feelings are the nerve endings growing and becoming well again!
love ya,

grofsand said...

here is something that the Drs cannot's called warmth !
and who can deliver it the best?

....."Hey John, Paul, George Ringo...c'mon  hit it guys!"

Little darling

It's been a long and lonely winter.

Little darling

seems like years since it's been here.

Here comes the sun,

Here comes the sun

it's alright..............

The Sun! Nothing to negotiate here! All of it's warmth, energy and light giving rays are ours....for free!  "FREE" I said!

 Just think about it..You don't need to pay for the minutes it shines, you don't need to cook or clean for it (and it doesn't leave the toilet seat up either!) You need not remember its birthday, or bring it gifts. All you need to do is sit back and enjoy its warmth and life giving energy as it feeds every living cell in creation! What a bargain!

   The Sun, a nourisher, a healer and a sustainer. Nothing is more "harmonic" than this Earth and its Sun!  So come on, let's  all join in!.(Here comes the sun, here comes the sun, it's alright)...............Just don't forget your sunscreen!

Towards the light!     Marc :)

rdautumnsage said...

Have I told you how amazing you are lately? No, hmmm bad me because I should of been telling you all along. You have the deepest, most sincere spirit I have come across in a long time. Your real, inside and out. I can't say that about too many people. Your taking the Bells in stride, oh yeah, I'm sure you have your moments of feeling down and wanting to cry. Your human hon, your world is slightly off center at the moment. Yet I see this amazing woman with courage and strength ready to walk back into work. Those kids are lucky to have you. (Hugs) Indigo

siennastarr said...

Michelle, you continue to amaze me.  You just keep spreading those wings, and taking continued steps forward.  No looking back!  You will over come this "Bell's Palsy" just wait and see.  
You are right when you say that you are so much more blessed than many, but, you know what?  When things are happening in our lives, it's hard to ALWAYS remind ourselves of that.  Sometimes, we have every right to be depressed and feel sorry for ourselves.  But... at least you let it go, and move forward.  Keep doing what you're doing sweetie.  Time is a great healer!

Love and hugs

queeniemart said...

i am so proud of you....i care SO much about you...YOU are a treasure. SO many, SO SO SO many, would cry and complain and feel sorry for theirselves...yet you are so strong and so beautiful and you see the positive and you are moving ahead. I wish i was as brave as you! I am SO happy you got to be with friends and even happier you feel those under the skin bugs!
XO lj

chat2missie said...

My son suffers from a condition called Arnold Chiari Brain Malformation.  Every once in a while, he suffers from Bells Palsy symptoms in his face also.  It was because of his face, that the drs finally decided to do an MRI and he finally got diagnosed.  The "Itchy bug" feeling are your nerve endings.  Brandon complains alot of that too.  Good Luck!

radar446 said...

I hope the bugs continue to crawl around in your face....I never would have thought that sentence would come from me.  Maybe it is a positive sign and with the neurologist adding some imput you might just lick this thing before the school year starts.

Greg said...

Comment on your journal entry from an internationally-recognized expert in facial acupuncture (trained over 2,500 practitioners in US)

Dear Michelle:

I am taking the liberty of e-mailing you to say that you should not overlook the fact that you recently had a treatment from an acupuncturist who has had considerable success in treating Bell's palsy, and that a week later, you began to perceive a return of sensation in your facial nerves.  

The sequence of the two events is not accidental; acupuncture is the one of the most effective means whereby to treat Bell's palsy.  Western medicine has nothing whatsoever to say on the matter (as is evidenced by your doctor's "wait and see" attitude).  The cause is indeed, as your acupuncturist said, "wind in the face."

To that end, I wanted to recommend that you continue your acupuncture treatments (presumably you only had the one); your acupuncturist can definitely help you.   If you would like to investigate an even more targeted modality, I can probably recommend you to a facial acupuncturist in your area who has been certified by me; facial acupuncture has been extensively documented in China as being effective in the treatment of Bell's palsy.  It has been used to treat 1000's of Chinese suffers;  I myself impart very specific and advanced techniques to my practitioner/students to address Bell's palsy.

As you have reported that you enjoyed the acupuncture very much, why not give it a bit more time??  I would like to see this condition of yours reversed.

If you have any other questions, please feel free to e-mail me at, or you can visit my Chi-Akra Center web site at

Good luck!!

Mary Elizabeth Wakefield, L. Ac., M. S., M. M.; AAOM Educator of the Year
Facial acupuncturist and author

stupidsheetguy said...

You know, I was wondering how you were doing. How did I know you'd be handling this with the usual charm and grace? As creepy as those buggies might be, they are a sign of "life" and that's got to be a good thing. Keep up the good work and the good attitude!

nay0114 said...

So glad you found a treatment to try that your insurance will pay for. Glad you were able to have some fun sounds like a great time. Hope the buggie feeling is a good thing towards recovery.
Take care, Chrissie

canyonsun04 said...

I know all to well all of this you suffered and still likely dealing with. I went through it and had it bad.