Me, Myself and I

Well, this is different...

After a rather sad event, it was suggested that I go ahead and bring my girls to Vacation Bible School.  They are there from 6:00 - 8:30pm, so I have all this time to myself.  Usually I'm there teaching.  I like this time of doing my own thing, yet I miss not being there having fun with all the kids!  I need this time, though.  We all do.  Just a small amount of alone time to reflect, relax, or just to be me. 

The rather sad event is a bit of a story... a while ago,  A (oldest daugher) was having a lot of trouble with allergies and we had a bunny that the Dr. suggested we find another home for.  We tried for months to get along without letting him go, but A was having great difficulties with it.  So, a friend of mine was awesome enough to say her family could take BunBun for us.  We brought him over and he began a loving relationship with this family.  Their kids loved him so much and loved taking him for walks on his harness.  He loved being outside, so logically after the weather became warmer this spring, they had him move outside to the hut with their other bunny.  All was going well....very well in fact, and it seemed strange to them that two male bunnies would get on so well....(ahem)  When baby number one came, obviously it was discovered.  BunBun was not a he.  He was a SHE.  How exciting!!  Then, number two was born!

Well, nature has a way of seeing things played out in the way they are meant to, and unfortunately, we found out the babies didn't make it...and neither did BunBun.  :(

I have never seen M (my youngest) so sad.  She cried big tears all afternoon.  This was her first major experience like this.  Losing a fish is sad, yes she cried when Nemo died, but THIS...oh my goodness.  She couldn't eat dinner!  When my friend who had taken in BunBun mentioned VBS and thought they could still join even though it was late, I wasn't sure how M would be to go, but she really wanted to.  It was the road to happiville.  Thank the good Lord, she was so excited about it she stayed up late making extra key chains for her goodies.  She had mentioned missingBunBun once today, and we are talking about him.  I want her to talk and explore her feelings.  Maybe there is a special feeling she is having in going to VBS to help her feel closer to her bunny.  I know it's a bunny....but he/she was so special to her.  She didn't  want to give him away.  And of course our friends who took him in feel terrible.  Which of course they shouldn't.  She keeps saying they shouldn't have taken him outside.  Gosh, of course they had no way of knowing!!  We all thought she was a boy!! 

Again, as I've said before, there are the reasons we have no right questioning.  Just as He takes those nearest and dearest...we all must go home someday.  This is just a moment.  DON'T WASTE IT! 

LIVE...LOVE...LAUGH      and for me, tonight, I will inhale the peaceful air. 

Have a pleasant night  :)

Well, camp last night turned out to be much better than I had predicted.  One family of 6 had the flu, so unfortunately, they couldn't make it.  The rest of us had a wonderful time together.  We followed our friends up to their land ~ I had no idea what I was in for.  It was just what I needed.  We kept going and going up this windy hill.  The mom in front of me had her sports car, apparently she had no clue as well.  FINALLY, we reached the destination and WHOA!  They had cleared out trees and planted grass seeds last year and the view was incredible.  I plan to post some pictures as soon as sportscar mom emails me some.  The sunset was unreal.  After pitching the tents and getting organized for the night, we went swimming at nearby pond and then headed back to camp for dinner.  Hot dogs, burgers, every kind of salad, all the usual BBQ works...then the kids got to hitch a ride on a wagon hooked to the one dad's fourwheeler.  (He ended up being the only dad there, so the girls and I didn't feel so bad.  Besides, Mr B was busy installing our AC and we got to come home to a nice cool house....:o) )  Later that night we played games and had a huge bonfire.  We roasted marshmallows and made samores.  The stars were intensely bright and IT DIDNT RAIN!!!

Now we are home and  the girls are impatiently waiting for me to take them to the pool.  I may add a new entry later....I feel I have more to say, but alas, duties await!

Hope you all are enjoying your weekends as well.  Peace and love, Michelle

Just a Quickie

Well, I really must start keeping up in here.  We have been so busy every day this week just doin' the summer THANG ~ lazin' by the pool or lake...catchin' good (some good) movies...oh, sorry about the drawl.  I'm just so enjoyin' this...

Things are pretty good.  You know, even when I'm feeling negitive I tend to push those thoughts aside and just try to count my daily blessings.  I've said it before, I know.  I find that when I start to feel down I'm pretty good at it.  I always worry that if I don't count my blessings that I may not always be so blessed.  I try not to take things for granted.  Although, we just can't always control things.  God has a plan for us all.  I just pray always that we stay healthy and safe. 

I always say that I want to be more creative in my writing...When I was in high school ~ too long ago, in my opinion~ I could come up with something profound every time I started writing.  I seem to have lost it.  Yet, when I attempt it, I always erase what I start.  Like I don't trust myself anymore.  It seems as though the words are locked up inside me somewhere and I want to scream what is in my heart, but then there is silence.  I can't think of the words anymore... maybe this is good.  Maybe life is just so simple that I need to just accept it and live.  That's what I've been doing for such a long, long time.  Perhaps so long that I am forgetting to feel what I am afraid to feel. 

This isn't sounding good.  I have had a great week with my daughters.  I truly am happy just being with my daughters.  We are going on an overnight camping trip tomorrow with 3 other families from Brownies.  Dad's are going to.  Not their dad though.  He's not really comfortable with the idea.  But, I guess we have just become used to this.  Not M, though.  She cried... and he is off from work for 2 weeks.  At least, he's supposed to be.  I kept the girls out of vacaction bible school because I thought he would  be home.  Now, it seems he will be helping at another restaurant.  But, I guess we have become used to this.  Oh, I said that all ready....

Wait!  The subject for this entry is Just a Quickie and look at me ramble on and on.  Sounds like an episode of Desperate Housewives.  UGH!  (Ok, so I guess I have become used to this :o) )  Night!

Lazy weekends....

Ahhhhh.  I love weekends.  The best part is that soon everyday will be like a weekend.  Okay, I know I'm rubbing it in.  I must admit, I really do love my job.  I work with special ed. students who struggle daily and working with these incredible children is very fulfilling, but yes the summers...they are SUCH an added benefit!  It's not that I don't want to be at school.  I miss it when I have to be home sick or with my own kids when they aren't well.  I just LOVE being home with my kids.  Yes, they fight.  They drive me crazy with their love/hate relationship.  But it's getting alittle easier as they get older.  It's so nice to just wake up and say, "So!  What are we going to do today?"  Not "Hurry up and eat your breakfast so you can get to the sitter!"  The benefits far outweigh the lower pay.  I know I couldn't do this work if I were on my own - Thanks, honey.  I don't say it enough.

We went to the lake today with Mom.  A brought a friend who is moving when school ends.  This is a very close friend of hers that she met in a summer preschool program when she was 3.  M.R. was adopted from China and so beautiful and lively it was a miracle!  8 years later they are still best buds.  This friend went through an unimaginably difficult time starting 3 years ago when her mother was diagnosed with cancer.  Through 2 years of treatments including chemo, radiation, surgery (was there anything they didn't take?)her daughter watched her mom slowly slip away.  When she suffered a stroke after having her spleen removed, it was a long year and a half of suffering.  She passed away last year.  We are sad that our friend is moving away, but she will be closer to other family members.  This is a sad story, but I know she will be ok.  She has a wonderful family who loves her dearly.  We sure will miss her!:(

Well, I am going to cut this short.  I have to make lunches for school tomorrow.  I hope you all are having a warm, lazy weekend.  They really are the best!  xoxo

 

Funky Facts About Me

In an effort to inform my few readers about myself, I have decided to write some funky facts from my past and present!  So here goes....

1.  I am an only child, but I had a foster sister when I was 6 and have always wondered how she is now.

2.  I was a tomboy, prefering to dig worms, fish, climb trees and play football with the boys to dolls with the girls!

3.  The summer before 10th grade I dyed my blond hair coal black, shaved it in back and spike the top.  I wore funky clothes and scared my entire school.  (Small town preppies in the 80's were not used to this type of behavior.)  I lost a lot of friends, but stayed this way until my senior year when I went back to "normal"!  I LOVED my look and wouldn't change a thing (even though I admittedly get nervous when I walk by these "punks" in the park with my young impressionable girls!!

4.  Interesting jobs - live in nanny at 19,  singer in two bands in early twenties.

5.  I am married, 9 yrs this month, and we have 2 beautiful girls ages 8 and 11.

6.  I love my work with special needs children! 

7.  My favorite musical artists are Martina McBride, SheDaisy, and Rascal Flatts (Major Country Buff)

8.  I have 2 cats, 2 fish and a hamster

9.  My all time favorite movie is On Golden Pond

10. Favorite color- Purple

11. Favorite food- Seafood

12. Biggest pet peeve- negligent drivers (drunk or otherwise)

13. Favorite thing to do on a spring/summer day- curl up with a great book outside under a tree! (while my girls play happily, with no fighting for at least 10 mins.)

14. Summer plans- breathe deeply, get moving and lose this weight, swim...DISNEY!

15. Write more!

Remembering...

Well, today is Memorial Day.  I fortunately do not have any family members in Iraq.  I do however know people who do, and I am thinking of them today.  I still am not quite sure why we went over there, but it seems now we must stay and finish what was started.  I support our soldiers, it's just so sad how many lives have been sacraficed. 

I am also thinking of those not in military who lost their lives, but not before touching mine.  There are many, one as recently as this past Wedsnesday.  I have faith in God and believe that He has a plan for everyone.  There are the questions that will never been answered until it is our time to go home.  It isn't meant for us on earth to understand why some have to go so young.  So untimely are the friends who pass as children or young adults.  Shouldn't we all be given that chance to live a long life?  Why not?  Again, questions that aren't meant to be answered now...It just will never seem right to me.  A little girl with so much life ahead.  A young mother who's children need her.  A man engaged to his baby's mother, finally making things right for himself...Oh, it's hard to keep the faith.  But deeply I feel that the reason is there somewhere in the clouds.  I feel it in the wind and the sun shining on my face. 

"I'm already there

Take a look around

I'm the sunshine in your hair

I'm the shadow on the ground

I'm the whisper in the wind

I'm your imaginary friend

And I know, I'm in your prayers

Oh, I'm already there...."

God bless.....

Feeling Blue....

I have changed my look yet again...A bit easier on the eyes, I think.  I have always liked blue.  Sky designs are my favorite, despite the fact that our dentist's entire office is designed this way.  I think because no one really enjoys going and the design has a calming effect on some.  I like it because when I feel all stressed and tight inside, it makes me feel quiet and peaceful.  Like I could just float away for awhile. 

There has been quite a bit going on.  My oldest dear A has recieved special recognition for a poem she wrote.  There is something called Anthology of Poetry and her school participated.  All fifth graders could submit a poem and the teacher's picked the best three to be published in a hardcover book of poems by fifth graders all over the country.  My daughter's poem, The Nothing, was one of the three chosen!  The book will go to print on July 1st.  We are very proud of this honor she has recieved.  Her school will recieve a copy of the book, and we can purchase a copy with her name gold plated on it.  Very cool...

M is also having a great experience in t-ball.  Karate has kind of taken a back seat for now.  I'm sure her Sensei will have something to say, but oh well.  I hope he will understand she has to try other things, too. 

M is dealing with another kind of tough issue.  Two things, actually.  The whole biracial thing is coming up more frequently, as well as her father's lousy working hours.  He is a cook, working 11-10 and the girls rarely see him.  I can explain this until I am blue in the face, but she has a right to her feelings.  It makes me sad to see her so sad.  She misses him so much, as does A, but it's different for her.  She deals with it differently, anyway.  As far as being biracial, she has this upsetting feeling about not looking like me.  I tell her that I don't look like her grandparents.  They have brown hair and eyes and I have blond hair and green eyes.  It doesn't cut it though.  She is getting a lot of guff from other kids at school about it.  Also this one girl is relentless about saying she doesn't believe that M is half chinese and that shehas a chinese father.  She says she doesn't think she even HAS a father because she has never seen him.  Errr.  Of course this hurts my baby.  She has a wonderful Daddy, who yes, works lousy hours, but when he is home he is 100% Daddy.  Wants to always do fun things and go on adventures.  I try to remind her of this, but she just cries harder.  I guess it's just something she has to go through.  I just want to say the right things.  I have always told them how lucky they are and special.  Their friends need to be reminded that we are all special and very rarely will they find americans who are all one nationality.  Hopefully they will learn this as the get older, but as I am finding with my ll yr old, the "mean girls" seem to get worse as they age....I will keep hoping.  :>)